Oh BOY AGAIN!

Indeed! This August I will be a mama of three boys. I'm a tad speechless :)

A Shotgun Blast? A Rifle Range? Are You Sure?

Ok, so I really wasn't going to blog on this, but I keep making myself laugh about it so dammit I have to!

So this isn't the funny part, just background. I've been having issues with my hearing for the past few years. I'd just wake up one day totally or partially deaf in my right ear. When it was partially deaf, that was irritating because I'd still hear certain frequencies super loud, but voices soft (like at the grocery store, the cooler whurring would be deafening but the checkout lady inaudible). When it was totally out, well, it was a bummer not to be able to use my blue tooth, but other than that it didn't bother me too much. Then about a year ago the ringing started. Well that bothered the SHIT out of me and kept me up at night. Which, you know since I have nothing to do all day, was no big deal. RIGHT. So in to the Dr. I went. And after a battery, and I mean a battery, of tests, the consensus is Minears disease. The Dr. happily used the words "slow progressing" and "mild" so that's all good, and really if I had to face the possibility of losing one of my senses, that would be the one. I mean, smell, taste, vision, all way more important if you ask me. So don't you cry for me Argentina because with this crew there are plenty of days when I think this might be a gift ;)

Anyway, so bringing the funny. I had a follow-up yesterday and I have permanent loss in my right ear. Sorry, again, that wasn't the funny part. Here it comes...

Dr.: So, you've never had a shotgun go off next to that ear, or you know, like done any shooting range or rifelry stuffs?

Me: (trying not to laugh) Um, no.

Dr.: And you've never had directed radiation or chemotherapy on that ear?

Me: (trying harder) No.

Dr.: Are you sure?

Me: (failing) Yes, I'm pretty sure...

Me Wanting To Say: Oh, I almost forgot the time that I had a shotgun go off in my ear while getting radiation for the cancer I forgot I had.

I mean, really, who would forget ANY of those things?? Maybe it was the skepticism in his face when he asked if I was sure? Maybe it's the odd combination of cancer and guns? Or me wondering which of those he thought would be more forgettable? Maybe it's because I'm pregnant and have a warped sense of humor? This exchange has had me laughing for two days.

Call Me Debbie, Debbie Downer...

It's a sad day in the blogsphere today, for we have lost one of our own.

Lisa, you, your strength, and your humor will be missed.

And if you're of the praying sort, send some to her family. And if you're not, do it anyway please.

And...the Belly!

Ok, I totally should have titled that "the hiney". Heh. It wasn't till I looked at these right next to eachother that I realized that I think there's more difference in the back then in the front. I confronted the hubs to get his opinion. He told me I was being silly, it must have just been the pants. I told him that he was making me feel like I was being crazy. He told me he likes the current size of my derriere. And yes, just ANOTHER reason I married him. So, here we go...

5 Week Belly - Otherwise known as "no belly". Don't mind Dash on my leg. He's always there anyway. These were my favorite skinny jeans. Not as in skinny cut, but the smallest size in existence in my closet. Once upon a time they were known as "goal jeans". It was with a great deal of sadness that I relegated them back to that status in the back of the shelf. But I wore them every day of week 5 until my muffin top runneth over and it was time to say goodbye...

11 Week Belly - Growing belly(...and hiney) This was the first week that I sort of "popped" a little...

And 14 Week Belly - (aka: last Thursday) And bootie. Definitely getting bigger. Still able to wear most of my pre-preggo clothes. I'm really hoping I can stave off the jump to maternity as long as possible. It's so funny how with your first you can't wait to show and wear maternity stuffs and with your third? Well, if you never see another elastic waist or belly panel it will be too soon :)

Octomom Loses It, Takes Kids to Nebraska & Leaves Them

Ok, not really, but these are the things I think about when it's 3am and I'm staring at the ceiling wishing I could just sleep. But seriously? I mean I have days where my two drive me over the edge...But anyway, that's all I'm going to say about that.

Things are going about as well as can be expected for someone who is seriously allergic to pregnancy. We got to hear the baby's heartbeat - 150BPM - this week (and by me, I mean me and Dash who was basically sitting on my head as that was the only way I could keep him quiet enough for the NP to hear the heartbeat) and I scheduled the BIG ultrasound for April 2. I'll be counting down the days as I can't WAIT to find out all about this little monster who is torturing me precious babe.

BUT I do have a few things to bitch about - come on, you know you were waiting for it! Let me first say that I think I'm finally done with the nausea. Thank GOD. But damn, I'm TIRED! I mean, seriously tired. Not just I-have-two-toddlers tired. I feel like I could sleep for days and not feel rested. And that's the worst thing - I can't sleep! You know how you feel on moving day? You know, when you've packed boxes, packed a car, unpacked a car, painted a room and you're finally in bed. When your whole body aches and you wish someone would rub muscles that you never even knew existed? I feel like that EVERY night. I don't remember feeling so crummy this early on with Fin or Dash. As a matter of fact, I don't really remember feeling this bad muscle-wise at the end. I'm also having these weird charlie horses in my upper arms that make it impossible to get at all comfortable. Even my beloved Tylenol PM seems to be waning in it's helpfulness. I'm still waking up at 3am and watching the clock until the kids get up.

And yet, it's the weekend and the hubs is home and taking the brunt of the kids. And all the poopy diapers which makes me love him more than I thought possible. And we have plenty to look forward to. My mother is visiting in a few weeks and has demanded that we go out to dinner. When I told him I'd rather do a 3am Denny's run, he was all for it (yet another reason he is my soul mate). I mean, you can always get a sitter for dinner, but it's not so practical to call one up to come over at that hour, right? And since this will be the last of the little Martins, I think some late-night indulgence is definitely in order. Of course, this attitude could be stemming from the fact that I had to try on three pairs of pants this afternoon to find one that fit. Ok, that's a half-truth. They all "fit", but we were going to lunch so I needed a pair that would still fit after lunch. So now, I surrender to the fat pants. Once I hit maternity, I'm totally cutting lose and buying some twinkies.

Where I'm From*

I am from warm summer nights, waiting for the ice cream man, when mom rings the bell and it's time to come in. From jumping off the pier, avoiding jellyfish and biting flies, fishing, corn on the cob and the smell of old bay and fresh blue crabs on the porch, and illegal fireworks after dark.

I am from raking the leaves just to jump in the pile while fearing that there may be bugs inside. From being excited about back to school, crisp new uniforms and questionable lunches. From birthday sleepover parties, do your homework first, and family dinner night.

I am from cold winter mornings, praying for snow days and wearing sweatpants under my skirt. From large family Christmases filled with cookies and presents, fires in the evening, boggle and watching movies together. From sledding and take-your-snowy-clothes-off-in-the-basement days and hot chocolate with extra marshmallows to warm you up afterward.

I am from welcoming spring, wishing I could swim, and dusting off summer dresses at the first sign of thaw. From red rover, capture the flag and freeze tag until it was dark enough to catch fireflies in jars. I am from letting them go.

I am from strong women and secure men, till-death-do-us-part marriages and children are blessings. From clean houses, education is important and raising children is a job.

Where are you from?

*You know that irritating 25 things on Facebook? This is kinda one of those. Sorry.

You Said it Sister

Don't you just hate it when you're all ready to get your rant on and then you realize someone else has already done it with FAR more eloquence than you are capable of? Yeah, me too.

http://badladies.blogspot.com/2009/02/whos-dummy-mummy.html

My children say thank you Her Bad Mother. Now we have time for Arts and Crafts.

Pending Doom, Send Twinkies

I've been dreading this week. The hubs will be leaving us on Tuesday to go on vacation a work trip. He won't be back until Friday. That's FOUR DAYS with the kids to myself. More importantly, that's THREE LONG NIGHTS as a single mom. And honestly, I don't know how full-time single mom's do it! Even though the hubs does tend to get home late, I live for the small time I get all to myself as he puts the kids to bed. It's what gets me through the day. And it just might be what makes me lose it before the week is out.

You see, I never put the kids to bed. With Fin, this is not such a big thing. I can strong-arm and bribe him just as well as the hubs can. It's Dash. When he's tired and ready for bed, he grabs his bear and ducker and waddles over to the hubs and puts his head down. Just like that. And the hubs takes him to his room, lays him down, and closes the door. And he goes to bed. Seriously, just like that. On the rare occasion that he does get up in the middle of the night, the hubs (who is usually still up himself) just shoves his pacifier back in his mouth and he's out.

Please don't tell me how lucky we are that we have a almost-16 month old who goes to bed so easily. I know that. Here's the rub - with mama involved, it's a WHOLE NEW BALL GAME! Mama means playtime. So mama has to snuggle him till he's sound asleep. Then I have to sneak him into his room. Then I have to toss him as gently as possible into his crib (it's too deep for any kid of nice placement). If anything goes wrong? Start all over again. And if he wakes up in the middle of the night? HA! Guess the day starts early.

And have I mentioned the raging sinus infection that has had me up the past two nights. I saw a guy on a NyQuil commercial boasting about his good sleep and feeling better in the morning and I wanted to smash the TV. Then I started thinking, is it really that bad for the baby? I mean which is worse, no sleep and crazy mama or a leeeeetle green death? Don't answer that. My jury is still deliberating.

Fin has been begging to go to lunch bunch, and I think unless he pulls a knife on his teacher, this is the week he wins.

And on top of everything, this makes me want to strangle the hubs. Before you go all "bad wife" on me, I understand. It's for work, not for fun. And he's going to Minneapolis. It's going to be, well, chilly. Heh. But I think any mama will understand how three child-free nights in a hotel sounds a like too much like paradise. I don't care what you have to do during the day to get there. Not to worry, as long as he comes back well rested and ready to take the reins, I'll welcome him home with open arms and a hot dinner.

Don't forget I'm all pregnanty. And people keep reminding me that there are some women who love being pregnant, but unless you've never been here before, you should know that I'm not one of them. I'm more than a little hormonal. And I'm tired. I mean, really tired. I'm starting to think that the second trimester energy burst skips over mamas who are already taking care of two little one's.

So if you call me this week and I answer crying, or all you can hear is screaming, or I don't answer at all and never call you back. You'll know why. And if you stop by, bring some Twinkies. I'm totally craving them but I'm way too stubborn to actually buy something that unhealthy. Really. I'll be your best friend.

Ultrasound Joy

So I already said a little, and you can see the pictures, but I had a little more I wanted to get off my belly about today.

At my Dr. appointment two weeks ago, I was told that I was measuring behind. Very behind. An ultrasound was immediately ordered and my NP was content to assure me that my dates were just off. But for there to be more than a two-week disparity in my dates was impossible. Plainly, it would mean that I got a positive test the day I conceived, not to mention some pretty hearty little swimmers. Pretty much everyone I shared this concern with asked why I didn't argue that point. Well, see, I had Dash with me because I thought it was going to be a here's-your-cup-here's-your-weight-out-the-door visit. I didn't realize that they now do mandatory pap-smears on the first OB visit. I also didn't realize that taking my clothes of and putting my feet in stirrups was going to send Dash into orbit. However, I do now realize that - in hindsight - having to endure a pap and an internal exam while playing patty cake with the 15 month-old who is straddling your chest is pretty funny.

As you can guess, I was just in a hurry to get out of there.

But then, I had to think about the possibilities. And oh my readers, the internet is not your friend on such a mission. Not to mention that there are too many women in the"August 2009 Expecting Club" on iVillage (keep your comments to yourself) who have lost their pending deliveries recently. Yes, it's more likely that I would have had some indication that something was amiss, but it does happen silently as well. And despite my "urgent" stamp on my form, I still had to wait two weeks for the big day. Which is probably why this blog has been on the quiet side because that was a lot for me to sit on. And also, I'm a pessimist. So I'd rather think about fetal demise and be pleasantly surprised than stick my head in the proverbial sand and hope for the best.

But all that just made today that much sweeter.

I have vivid memories of enjoying my boys first swirls and kicks, but not so much of their ultrasounds. Especially ones that involved, well, the you-know-what camera. But that changed today. First of all I have to say that while I do like my NP and most of the Dr.'s, the nurses and techs are doofuses. The lady who read my pregnancy test results might as well have told me I had leprosy. For real. And the chick who did my last ultrasound with Dash was SO mean and wouldn't even let Brooks come in the room until I threw a fit. But this woman today? Pure awesome. She was CHIPPER as she brought us back a few minutes EARLY. Then she laughed at the joy on my face when she told me this was a happy abdominal ultrasound. And during? She assured us every few minutes that Snoopy was the cutest baby she'd ever seen. I mean, sure she probably tells everyone that, but this time it also happened to be true. And to see that little baby all moving and swatting and kicking? Amazing.

And all of a sudden, it became smack-you-in-the-face-real. In a few months I will have three children! Heaven help me...

Oh and I would be remiss if I didn't note my love and appreciation for Monika and Kindra who watched the gruesome twosome for us so that Brooks could join in the fun. You ladies are my heroes.

Meet Snoopy!

We had our first ultrasound today - and our first glimpse of Snoopy :) The technician took us right in, ON TIME! And she was super nice! He's measuring right between what I think my due date is and what my dr. thinks my due date is so that is good too!

Pleasant Surprises

Ok, so I felt bad being all gloom and doom with the negatives. I worked hard to come up with my list of positives only to realize that they're mostly more positives of post-pregnancy. But I'm going to go with it anyway...

1) Moving Babies - Sounds so cliche and until you really feel it, it totally IS cliche! But when your baby moves, I mean REALLY moves, for the first time it's all warm and fuzzy magic. For me it's the first time I feel genuinely connected to the growing babe. And when you get to share that with your baby daddy? Awesome. When it becomes visibly apparent to strangers (think like in the movie Alien)? Even better!

2) Eating - Sure it sucks to get all fat, but there is something cool about being able to turn to your husband at 11pm, loudly exclaim "CHEESEBURGER!" and have him actually respond. Without making you feel like a junkie. Of course, this is only in your first pregnancy. By your second he will have wised up and will remind you how pissy you will be to be left with that cheeseburger strapped to your thighs once the baby has vacated the premises. But I still remember the joy of it all the first time around. And yes, I admit, there were times I asked for things just to see if he'd actually go get it. Bless his heart, he always did.

3) Massages - This really could have just been labeled "guilt". Men will never be able to live down the fact that we're the ones who have to go through this while they get to go on with their lives and continue to sleep on their stomachs. My favorite use of this guilt (other than the aforementioned food collection) is massages. The hubs always manages to go above and beyond with this one and make me - for a few moments at least - glad to be pregnant.

4) Opting Out - Pregnancy gets you out of anything. I can't fly, I'm pregnant and don't feel well. Can't clean the bathroom, I'm pregnant and the fumes are bad. Can't make the party, I'm pregnant. Can't drive, I'm pregnant. Can't cook, I'm pregnant. Can't clean chinchilla cages, I'm pregnant. Can't watch my children, I'm pregnant. It can also be used as an excuse similar to "I was in college" when explaining questionable behavior.

5) Pregnant Parking Spaces - The hubs thinks that my enthusiasm over this particular aspect of pregnant life is a little irrational. I LOVE THE PREGNANT PARKING SPACE!!! I actually decide to go to one grocery store over another because one has a pregnant lady parking spot and the other doesn't. When it's free, I jump up and down like a crazy cheerleader watching her favorite team score. I pull in gleefully and jump out with exaggerated rubbing of my barely-there belly. When I was pregnant with Fin, the hubs and I went on a baby-buying binge and then to a favorite hot-spot for dinner. There was NO WHERE to park and then, lit like we were in a cheesy movie with angels singing in the background, was a super close pregnant lady spot. We were so excited to park there we even made unnecessary gestures at the crib strapped to our roof to passers-by. Indeed, losing this privilege is the saddest thing about not being pregnant. Just watch out if you think you can take one of those spots and you are NOT an expectant mother. Whilst pregnant with Dash, someone cut me off to take the pregnant lady spot, only to step out of the car as a LARGE MAN. I yelled at him and then shamelessly ratted him out to the grocery store manager who I'm sure took immediate action (yeah, right).

6) Baby Love - This is a duh, but really you just don't get it until you live it. And for me it wasn't so much immediate. I can actually remember looking at my boys on day 1 and worrying that I just didn't know them so how could I love them. But somewhere around day 3 you find yourself looking into their increasingly alert eyes and it hits you like a jackhammer. You're just overflowing with love for this needy little bundle. For me it comes pouring out my eyeballs and makes the hubs giggle that I was worried about knowing them.

7) Baby Daddy Love - I never considered it, but of course it makes total sense. I didn't think I could love the hubs more than I did on our wedding day (or on the day he proposed, etc), but something happens when you, oh, bring a LIFE into the world together. I was blown away by the sight of the hubs holding our children for the first time. And that love grew with every diaper he changed and every swaddle he crafted. And trust me when I tell you that he is the Swaddle Ninja. Our kids were always the snuggliest little burrito babies and very rarely escaped (and as mamas know, once they do it's only a matter of time before they wake themselves up by dislodging their pacifier or smacking themselves in the face). It was a wonderful feeling to be so in love with him again.

8) Sibling Love - Sure there will be plenty of times when the big one bites the little one for no reason, or pushes him over when he's learning to walk, or commits countless other undesirable crimes against his new sibling, but overall, it's pretty sweet. I'll never forget the first time Fin met Dash. Brooks brought him to the hospital the morning after Dash was born. He was sweet, quiet, loving and gentile. Which is saying alot for a child of 22 mos. He sat on the bed with me and stroked Dash's head and planted more kisses on him than I could count. The love fest continues and even as I have to break up a zillion fights a day, there's no doubt that these two dudes are best buds. Dash hates it when Fin's naps stretch out longer than his own and get's insanely excited when it's time to pick Fin up from school. Fin loves teaching his brother new things and is always full of encouragement. Watching them enjoy growing together is one of the sweetest sights in the world.

9) Sleep - I know, it's awful to try and sleep while you're pregnant. And people will always tell you, "oh, get as much sleep as you can now because once that baby comes..." This no longer scares me. Why? Because once the baby comes, sleep becomes a totally different animal. The second that baby closes it's eyes, I'm OUT! And it's not just like I'm sleeping. It's like I'm dead. And even if the baby only sleeps for an hour, it's enough. Or at least it's enough to get you through the hour it takes to feed and change the baby and get him back to sleep before you can die once again. That's a sleep I'll take over the miserable pregnant lady sleep ANY day.

10) The Baby - Total cop out, I know. I have pregnant brain but also the OCD desire to see this list end in a nice round number. So I'm using it. The baby. I mean, right, you know that's how this thing ends, but then you HAVE one. You're a MOM (or a DAD). And you'll look at that other list, laugh at it's accuracy, and how you would do it all over again. And hopefully you will :)

Oh Marshalls, How I Love You

I love Marshalls. Especially on Tuesdays. After dropping Fin off at School, I take Dash out for coffee and bagels and then on to MyGym. That leaves us a little more than an hour before we have to pick up Fin, and Marshalls is the perfect place to kill that time since it's right next to both MyGym and School. This week Dash was particularly well behaved and I set out to the toy section to reward his good behavior. Marshalls didn't let me down. For a mere $2, I found this treasure...

I'm still not sure what it is. A computer virus catcher? Sure, whatever you say. But MAN does Dash love it...

Rude Surprises

Since I have more than a few buds who are getting baby-ready, and also because I don't want to forget any of this in years to come, I decided to make a list of what I think are the rudest surprises that pregnancy has thrust upon me...

1) Extra Junk In My Trunk

Yes, ass growth. I know where babies grow. SO WHAT'S UP WITH YOU HINEY?? Before I had Fin, I heard someone say that they had worn their lowrise jeans their whole pregnancy as they fell just below the belly. With each pregnancy, I have managed to outgrow my pants far faster than my morning sickness. Even my mother, who is nothing if not an honest woman, remarked (while pregnant with Dash) that she didn't think it was possible for a butt to get that large. I've got a call in to Kim Kardashian to find out where she gets her pants.

2) Being Violated
As a woman becoming a mother, you will inevitably have that vision of the first time you see your child - at least on the small screen. Your husband will be holding your hand while your perfect belly is covered in goo that makes you giggle because it's cold. And then on the screen appears your teeny wiggling angel. Ahhh pure magic. But that's SOOO not what happens. Instead you are introduced to what I have heard referred to as the "dildo cam". And instead of your belly, the goo goes...well, somewhere else. Hopefully your husband isn't too horrified by witnessing you violated in such a way and is still able to enjoy the experience. Heh, right. But don't worry, you will experience similar uncomfortable situations throughout the coming months.

3) Weight Gain
Related to the "junk" referenced above, this probably sounds like a stupid thing to be surprised by. With Fin, I ate for two. Or four. It wasn't pretty. But I learned that lesson, and with Dash I scaled wayyy back (and stayed clear of McDonalds). Honestly, other than helping with water retention, it didn't make that much of a difference in poundage. Apparently my metabolism shuts down before I can even find a stick to pee on. I've heard you're only supposed to gain 25-35 lbs, but I honestly think I could eat 1000 calories a day and gain more. I'm ok with that. I've lost it all and then some each time, but it would sure be nice if my Dr.'s could take notice of that fact and leave me the heck alone.

4) Insomnia
No, I'm not talking about the kind that comes at the end where you're as big as a house and it's no small wonder that you can't find a comfortable position to save your life. Or the part in the middle where your bladder develops a four hour shelf life. I'm always surprised by the insomnia that meets me in the beginning. I fall asleep like a baby. Or a mother who has taken care of two babies all day. But then, sometime around 2am, it all comes to a screeching halt. I am wide awake. I stare at the ceiling. I calculate how much time I have left before someone wakes up and permanently puts an end to my hopes of falling back into a blissful slumber. And although Tylenol PM is acceptable to take, I don't think every night counts.

5) Pain.
I know, duh, right? But no, you don't know. Until you're lying in a bed actually contemplating how you could get across the room, through your husband and the nurses, so that you could HURL YOURSELF out the window onto the ground below just to end the pain, you don't know. I can clearly remember thinking that I could probably do it and land on my back and Fin would be ok. I also have to note that this was when induced. Dash's birth hurt too, but no where near as much.

6) Hospital Release
This is really just with your firstborn, but holy mother, is anyone prepared for that moment where they cut off the little baby low-jack and shoo you all out the door? I know I wasn't! I kept feeling like I was walking out of a store with an armful and without paying the bill (you know, like the Ikea commercial where the woman is yelling to her husband to "start the car!", just like that). Wait, no one's going to check our car and make sure we have a car seat? No one's going to follow us home and make sure we're not total lunatics who are about to screw this child up before he hits the two day mark? I felt more prepared when we adopted a dog then when we took home a baby. And I even WATCHED all the on demand "how to" movies in my hospital room!

7) More Pain

I know, duh again. I've heard plenty of times that the "afterpains" with a second child are just as painful as contractions. And YES! Why is there no epidural for that business!! And just to add insult to injury, or I guess more injury to injury, they're strongest when you're breastfeeding. More on that later.

8) Post-partum Physique
Dude, I totally get why there are no mirrors in recovery rooms. Once we were home and I caught my first glimpse, I actually had to laugh. I mean, who replaced all the mirrors in my dressing area with stuff they stole from a fun house? No one can really look like that. Can they? Oh GOD! But on the nice side, it was also shocking how quickly things went back to at least somewhat resemble where they used to be. I sometimes wish I had actually taken pictures just to document the fact that I'm not crazy or vain, it really was that awful. Guess there's always this time though, right?

9) Breastfeeding
I actually have a close friend who thinks you're already a bad mother if you elect not to breastfeed. I totally CANNOT WAIT till she has a baby! A Womanly Art? HA! A beautiful moment between mother and child? Yes, well, as much as painful bloody nipples can mean love and beauty. When you've just been through the ringer of birth, it just seems so unfair to then have to face the trails of breastfeeding. Bleeding cracked nipples. Mastitis. Thrush. Engorgement. And did I mention the bloody nipples? And please, don't bother telling me I was doing it wrong. I wasn't. It was "fine" after my body had a week or two to adjust, but damn! Now I have to say that my children were both nursed almost to the year mark, and they're smart and rarely ill. For fear that I would have a less intelligent, sickly baby I will nurse Snoopy. But I won't like it.

10) Mental Impairment
I totally had a great #10 in my head. At 2am last night. And now it's gone. Because I'm pregnant and have the memory of a goldfish. As well as no ability to operate heavy machinery. Or do anything that even remotely requires grace or balance. Or finish a sentence. Or a thought.

I'm working on a list of pleasant surprises. It's taking longer...

A Good Read...

I don't often pimp out other sites, but someone tweeted this today and I just really liked it. Especially given my current situation :)

We Get What We Need...

(I originally posted this over on Fin's blog...oops...)

Finally, I post...

You've probably heard some rumors (what, Maggie was at a bar and NOT drinking? Something's up...)Yes it's true! Come August, we parents will be outnumbered here. We're still getting over our shock (and our stomach flu) but looking at our (no longer hurling) perfect children, we're excited for what the future holds for us. At least this explains my incurable desire to correct all children everywhere as well as my inability to drive, well, anything lately.

And with this announcement, I bring you....

Top ten things NOT to say when your friend tells you she's pregnant...

(And some answers)

1) Again?

(Yes? No, I just put the last one back? Why is that funny?)

2) Did you do this on purpose?
(That's a rude question. Or, do I look crazy? Depending on when asked.)

3) You know how this happens, right?

(Why this ever comes out of anyone's mouth is a mystery to me.)

4) Oh, you want a girl don't you?
(No, why does everyone assume that? I loves me some boys.)

5) Wow, do you know you'll have 3 kids 3 and under?

(Yes. Being pregnant three times in as many years has NOT taken away my ability to do simple math.)

6) I thought I saw a tummy!

(After your first you show faster. Or, F*$#k Off. Depending when heard.)

7) Where are you going to put the kid?

(We're not giving up the office so don't ask. Fin and Dash will draw strawls and loser shares a room. Note that this will be rigged. Best sleepers must bunk up.)

8) You're due in August? Wow, you're in for a long hot summer!

(Um, yeah, but last time I checked, it's not really any hotter just because you're pregnant. I'm looking forward to having an excuse for the excessive sweating that triple digits bring.)

9) So is three it or are you just going to keep going?

(Never ask a pregnant woman about her future childbearing plans. You won't get an accurate answer.)

10) Better you than me!

(I couldn't agree with you more.)

Bad Driver. Ratted Out By Kids.

*Fin: Daddy, Mommy had an accident today...

Hubs: WHAT?

Mom: (sigh, keeping expletives to myself)In the grocery store. With a shopping cart.

Hubs: Did you hit someone?

Mom: Uh huh.

Hubs: Hard?

Mom: Uh huh.

Hubs: With one of those giant double carts?

Mom: Yes, (defeat) and it was full. And I was going fast. And the guy I hit was pushing a walker. And I knocked his basket off of the little walker shelf and all over the floor...But he said he was ok and I helped him pick it all up...

Apparently, I shouldn't be allowed to push or drive anything. And yes, it was that kind of day.

*Still SO not the post I want to write, but I have actual real WORK to do tonight so it will have to wait :)

Resolutions Smesolutions

I have a post that I so badly want to write, but I need ooonnnee more thing to fall into place before I'm allowed to. Which is hard because that post is ALL that I want to write. And I promised the nice ad folks at BlogHer that I would post at least weekly. Never mind that I said I would make it interesting. Alas you are stuck with this rant for quasi rant/ call for assistance for now...

I HATE New Year's Resolutions.

The whole concept that one day of the calendar is a better day to change something than any other day is s-t-u-p-i-d.

(I have to spell s-t-u-p-i-d now because Fin says it's a bad word and people who say it will go to jail. He has a long list of these allegedly bad words - b-u-t-t is another one - and I have NO idea where he got the idea that you go to jail, but whatever works right?)

Anyway, I also don't like being left out. So the fact that everyone I know is making these resolutions makes me feel obligated to make one as well. So I was trying to come up with some ideas...

Lose Weight? So over that one. Ditto Eat Healthier or Exercise More. Curse less? I gave that up when Fin became a parrot, which is good since he's now evolved into the language police. Like his mama, he has no shame to correct strangers either. hehe.

So what to do? My house couldn't be cleaner. I think I do a good job of entertaining my wee beasties. I'd like to go to Church more often, but it's hard to come home feeling full of the Holy Spirit when all you want to do is scream at the kids for their poor behavior. I think I'm pretty nice to my mom. There's nothing about my life right now that I'd really like to change. And yes, I know that probably makes me pretty lucky so don't tell me to be more appreciative. My car does need an oil change but I don't think that counts. I really would like to cook more, and I actually thought of starting that tonight but then Brooks was in traffic and didn't get home till 8:30 so any dinner would have been totaled.

Anyone have any bright ideas? I don't feel bound by dates, but I feel like I should come up with something soon. Then again, maybe you can just start helping me think of something to give up for lent :)

A HS Flashback

Sorry for the lack of posts - but I have 300 pics to go through from our Christmas adventures. I promise a big post soon - and I promise it will be interesting! Meanwhile, here are some pics from the Visi 96'ers get together in DC after Christmas...

Happy Birthday Moni!

Happy Birthday Lady! You're the sister I never had (which is probably good since we never had to fight over clothes and boyfriends...) I hope you have a wonderful day!!

Other People's Kids

So one of the hot-topic debates amongst mommies today is how to deal with other people's children. Should you ever yell at a child who is not your own? Criticize? Redirect? There are some who argue that it is NEVER ok to do any of the above to a child who is not your own or under your direct care, and there are some who argue that it's fine.

I thought that I had a very solid idea of where I stood on this.

To me, if another child is in danger, or putting your child in danger (throwing, hitting etc), and their parent isn't speaking up, you are obligated to. Danger was the key word there.

Then I found myself getting involved with strange children who took my children's toys away - our neighborhood park seems to be a mecca for lazy moms who think that they can just drop off their 3 year-olds and sit on a bench NOT EVEN LOOKING while they talk on their cell phones. I mean seriously, what is THAT about?!?

Then I found myself chastising my child's playmates for acting out. In my defense, it was mostly because said child is a follower and I wanted to keep him in line. And it's wicked hard to yell at your kid for doing something when his friends are all doing it and not being yelled at.

But there's something about the holidays...

Apparently not only do the holidays turn people into awful nasty drivers, steamroller mall shoppers, restaurant rudies and grocery store grumps...me?...They turn me into Miss Manners, child behavioral expert.

Please, stifle your giggles that I, the mother of two often-less-than-stellarly-behaved boys, would be dispensing lessons.

Because that's EXACTLY what has happened!

I actually "mommed" a friends child into saying thank you to another mother today. As soon as I realized what I had done, I apologized to the mom (who thankfully didn't turn on me to point out how my son was stealing her daughters toys a few minutes earlier). Then I thought about it and realized I'd been doing it to everyone! I actually told a little girl at the mall who wasn't behaving while her mother was waiting in line at the Gap that Santa was watching her. WTF? I must be out of my mind. I mean, they could be Jewish!

I'm going to hope that it's just a weird holiday twitch that will pass along with 2008.

But in the meantime, if you're up in Valencia at Heritage Park and you see a crazy lady yelling at your kids, do say hello or I might out you for manners infractions too.