Tonight, as I bathed the boys, for the first time in a long time things felt, well, easy. Maybe not easy, the day was still filled with tears and tantrums and arguing, so maybe doable is a better word? Brooks is out of town and he is usually my right hand when it comes to handling all the nightime duties. But I managed to get dinner served, dishes done, laundry put away, vacuumed, prepped bedrooms for bed and got everyone clean and jammified in a relatively reasonable amount of time and with few skirmishes.
Now we're watching one more show before a book and bed and for the first time in many nights I don't feel like I'm just holding my breath and waiting to collapse into a heap as soon as I can feel stillness and quiet.
Of course, I also realize that I'm on the cusp of huge changes.
The boys are showing more and more self-sufficiency every day. Some days Fin requires so little from me physically that it feels like he won't need me at all too soon. Yet while the physical dependence has dropped off, his emotional needs are at times more exhausting and exasperating. He demands an explanation for everything and questions my every request or instruction. I've even caught myself saying "shut up", which I always swore I wouldn't. There are times when I pray just for a minute of quiet. Fin has never met a silence he couldn't fill. But as he branches out into new activities like swimming and tball, I am ceaselessly impressed with his ability to befriend everyone and enjoy these new experiences. Even when the evil tball baddies told him he was a "baby", it didn't deter him for one second from referring to them as his new friends. At school, they've taken to calling him Casanova for the obvious reasons. He loves girls and alternates between holding Macayla's hand at fire drill, to rubbing Lauren's back at circle time, to snuggling up to Kelly at share time. And yet when I spy on him out on the playground (yes, I'm that mom!) he's also happy to be in the thick of things with the rough and tumble boys, rolling around on the grass and asking to go higher and faster on the tire swing. I sometimes wonder how my childhood might have been different had I been as friendly as he is.
Dash is in the sweet spot. The little pocket of time where the screaming, clinging baby is a memory and the surly, back-talking toddler is still on the distant horizon. He's pleasant and happy. He's snuggly and yet still independent. He loves playing with Fin and yet also relishes his time alone with me and by himself. Unlike his brother, he loves to be read to and will continuously beg for more books when one is finished. While he enjoys his small MyGym friends, he's far more in his element playing with the "big kids". He is fearless in every way. He wants to jump in swimming pools, leap off of beds, run fast and far, and he is never bothered by the (somewhat more than occasional) tumble. He has taken to smacking my belly and exclaiming "BABY!" - or sometimes "BAD BABY!" which is a harder smack followed by maniacal laughter. Yet I know he has no idea how much life is about to change.
Experience should dismiss many of the fears that come with welcoming a new family member, but somehow it doesn't. I know Fin will adjust smoothly. He knows he's gaining a playmate and loves all babies. Dash is another matter entirely. I often find myself looking at him and feeling as though he was truly meant to be an oldest child. And I worry how this child will fit in. If Dash is the Yang to Fin's Ying, what will my third son represent? Of course I also wonder who he will best get along with. Mostly I just hope to keep everyone feeling secure and preferably happy through the transition.
I also have selfish worries. I can vividly remember having a smallish breakdown while pregnant with Dash and crying to Brooks about what would happen if I just didn't have time to do my hair or put on makeup anymore. He, of course, laughed and told me it didn't matter. What I was really worrying about was how much more of myself having a second child would cost. And while I have had a few days where I had to disguise dirty hair in a pony tail or do a quickie makeup job, for the most part I know that concern was silly. But what about a third child? A third bed to make, a third set of laundry to do, a third set of dishes, a third body to groom, slather sunscreen on and battle into dress? If there's one thing that I learned in having Dash, it is that adding a child doesn't multiply the responsibilities, it upps them exponentially.
And then, I had to stop writing for a while. Dash was sleepy and demanded my arms to snuggle in. And has he dozed off, snuggled into my chest, I remembered all the wonderful moments when he and Fin were tiny and fit in the crook of my arm. When I started to doze myself, lulled by happy gurgles of contentment and the delicious smell of new baby. And I felt ready.
Monday, May 04, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
For Dash at 18 months
My Dearest Dash,
I'm sorry I've been so bad at keeping up with writing these for you - I already feel like I'm going to be terrible at keeping up with them for your baby brother!
Speaking of which, I suppose that's as good a place as any to start. You're going to be a big brother this August and despite how many times I tell you or explain it or make you watch a Discovery baby show, you have NO CLUE. You seem to think that my growing belly is just something for you to play on. When Fin was in your shoes, he seemed to grasp it all. But then again, Fin always loved babies - much the same way you love ducks. I guess I'd have better luck explaining to you that there was a duck in there :)
We are getting ready to take your second vacation to Topsail - I hope you like the beach as much as you did on your first visit and that you continue to have far more patience for sand than your brother does! We're flying out there without Daddy because he's saving time off for August, so Mommy is more than a little nervous about how she's going to handle you and Fin through a red eye flight with a connection. But I know you'll have a great time with your grandparents and your uncles and it will be nice for Mommy and Daddy to get a break in before your brother arrives.
Speaking of travelling, you continue to amaze all of us with your speed! One of the other Daddies at MyGym remarked that if his son could keep up with you, he was in good shape. The only problem is that you are NOT very coordinated. You trip and fall a thousand times an hour and your ability to smack your head into things is truly amazing. On the bright side, nothing seems to rattle you. You fell down the front steps the other day, stood up, SPIT out gravel and laughed at your scraped up face. You're all boy, that's for sure!
Your talking has picked up AMAZINGLY in the past few weeks - you can repeat anything that Mommy or Daddy says and you're finally able to say "Fin". One of your first perfect words was "please" and you use it all the time now - it makes Mommy so proud! You're still eating everything in sight and I really don't know where you put it! You are quickly approaching 25 lbs and wearing all 2T already, but you easily eat double what Fin does and some days I swear you eat more than your pregnant Mommy. You love any fresh fruit and you are obsessed with "dipping". You will eat anything as long as you have something to dip it in - from guacamole and salsa to marinara or alfredo and of course ketchup. You're not so keen on meat these days, and have also developed quite a taste for chocolate.
Our days are still pretty busy with Fin in school. Mommy is trying to keep up with walks on Mondays and Wednesdays, but as she gets larger they shorten and shorten. We always find our way to the lake because you LOVE the ducks! You scream at the top of your lungs every time you see them! Mommy tries to make sure we have a little bread to feed them and they even nipped you taking it right out of your hand last week - you didn't seem to mind and kept right on going. Tuesdays and Thursdays Fin is in school till noon and we get a little time alone together. On Tuesdays I take you to get a bagel and then we're off to MyGym. You love it but absolutely refuse to sit still for circle time - there's just too much for you to run around and do! Fin's school friends Owen and Colin have little siblings in your class so it's nice for Mommy to have some time to chat too. You're getting very good at sharing and always want to play with the other children - from balls to pushing them on the swings. We still spend plenty of time visiting with James - who is now just as much your friend as Fin's - and Monika. You get out of the car at her house and run to bang on the door screaming "Monika" perfectly! We even get playtimes with Maya and little Leila some days. I wish I had as many friends at your age as you do!
Ok my dear, time to go get some things done. I can't believe how quickly you're growing! It won't be long before I have to plan your second birthday fete and figure out what you'll be for Halloween. And just as I typed that, you laid your head down on my lap - I'm so glad you're my little boy!
All My Love,
Mom
I'm sorry I've been so bad at keeping up with writing these for you - I already feel like I'm going to be terrible at keeping up with them for your baby brother!
Speaking of which, I suppose that's as good a place as any to start. You're going to be a big brother this August and despite how many times I tell you or explain it or make you watch a Discovery baby show, you have NO CLUE. You seem to think that my growing belly is just something for you to play on. When Fin was in your shoes, he seemed to grasp it all. But then again, Fin always loved babies - much the same way you love ducks. I guess I'd have better luck explaining to you that there was a duck in there :)
We are getting ready to take your second vacation to Topsail - I hope you like the beach as much as you did on your first visit and that you continue to have far more patience for sand than your brother does! We're flying out there without Daddy because he's saving time off for August, so Mommy is more than a little nervous about how she's going to handle you and Fin through a red eye flight with a connection. But I know you'll have a great time with your grandparents and your uncles and it will be nice for Mommy and Daddy to get a break in before your brother arrives.
Speaking of travelling, you continue to amaze all of us with your speed! One of the other Daddies at MyGym remarked that if his son could keep up with you, he was in good shape. The only problem is that you are NOT very coordinated. You trip and fall a thousand times an hour and your ability to smack your head into things is truly amazing. On the bright side, nothing seems to rattle you. You fell down the front steps the other day, stood up, SPIT out gravel and laughed at your scraped up face. You're all boy, that's for sure!
Your talking has picked up AMAZINGLY in the past few weeks - you can repeat anything that Mommy or Daddy says and you're finally able to say "Fin". One of your first perfect words was "please" and you use it all the time now - it makes Mommy so proud! You're still eating everything in sight and I really don't know where you put it! You are quickly approaching 25 lbs and wearing all 2T already, but you easily eat double what Fin does and some days I swear you eat more than your pregnant Mommy. You love any fresh fruit and you are obsessed with "dipping". You will eat anything as long as you have something to dip it in - from guacamole and salsa to marinara or alfredo and of course ketchup. You're not so keen on meat these days, and have also developed quite a taste for chocolate.
Our days are still pretty busy with Fin in school. Mommy is trying to keep up with walks on Mondays and Wednesdays, but as she gets larger they shorten and shorten. We always find our way to the lake because you LOVE the ducks! You scream at the top of your lungs every time you see them! Mommy tries to make sure we have a little bread to feed them and they even nipped you taking it right out of your hand last week - you didn't seem to mind and kept right on going. Tuesdays and Thursdays Fin is in school till noon and we get a little time alone together. On Tuesdays I take you to get a bagel and then we're off to MyGym. You love it but absolutely refuse to sit still for circle time - there's just too much for you to run around and do! Fin's school friends Owen and Colin have little siblings in your class so it's nice for Mommy to have some time to chat too. You're getting very good at sharing and always want to play with the other children - from balls to pushing them on the swings. We still spend plenty of time visiting with James - who is now just as much your friend as Fin's - and Monika. You get out of the car at her house and run to bang on the door screaming "Monika" perfectly! We even get playtimes with Maya and little Leila some days. I wish I had as many friends at your age as you do!
Ok my dear, time to go get some things done. I can't believe how quickly you're growing! It won't be long before I have to plan your second birthday fete and figure out what you'll be for Halloween. And just as I typed that, you laid your head down on my lap - I'm so glad you're my little boy!
All My Love,
Mom
Thursday, April 23, 2009
23 Week Belly
I tried something a little different for this week's belly shots. And honestly, it didn't work AT ALL the way I wanted. I just can't take pictures of myself. I might have Brooks help me do some better ones in the next few weeks. I guess since this my last time pregnant, I want to make sure I document it :)
Thursday, April 16, 2009
22 Week Belly
Ok, I officially feel HUGE. Although I have to say that for once my Dr. is telling me I'm right on track. Yay! Dash wanted in on the belly exposure too :)
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