Leaving on a Jet Plane...

As I type this, I'm waiting for Fin to wake up from his nap so that I can give the boys one last tub before dressing them and heading to the airport. Topsail, we're on our way!

The only downside is the flight that lies ahead - a cross country red-eye with a connection and plane change. Did I mention the part where I'm flying alone with both boys? Oh yeahhh, this is going to be fun!!

Pray for us. Or pray for the other people on our flights, I'll let you pick.

See you in June!

Almost-Wordless Wednesday

I was going to get some of those fancy burp clothes for Snoopy, but I needed a project so I decided to make them myself instead. I've got a couple more pinned and ready to sew, but here are the ones I've finished. Oh, and his name might start with a K. I'm closing comments so you can't guess ;)

Getting Ready...

With boy child #3's arrival imminent, we will have to make some room adjustments. We like (and need) our office space too much to give that up, so it was decided that Fin and Dash would become roommates. But how to do it? We already had a very nice full-size bed in Fin's room and the room is too small to add a twin bed into the space along side it. We discussed adding a toddler bed for Dash, but thought that was a waste of money since he'd outgrow it quickly. Getting two twin beds was scrapped because then we'd have to toss out said very nice full mattress. Brooks was VERY excited at the prospect of Bunk Beds. We could do a twin over a full and still make use of the existing mattress and the space. Strike one for that plan arrived with the stomach flu last winter - all I could picture was the aftermath of top-bunker feeling the need to evacuate in the middle of the night onto protruding bottom-bunker. Strike two happened while looking at them in the store and realizing that Fin (who sleeps all night without moving AT ALL) had ZERO interest in climbing up the ladder while Dash (who can be heard smashing his head into any given side of his crib all night)wanted nothing more than to be king of the hill. Nope, not going to work.

So we decided to go with a nice full-size bed with a twin trundle for Dash. We thought this would make the best use of the space and also keep Danger Baby safely close to the ground. I promised Brooks than when we move, this bed can go in the single boys' room (still undecided who will be lucky enough to get their own room) and we can revisit bunk beds for the shared room. This way we'll also have a ready guest spot for snoring daddies sleepover buddies.

After a failed attempt two weeks ago (wrong bed) we finally got the bed delivered and the room set up this weekend. I admit, the bed was bigger than I thought it would be, but Brooks is a spacial Ninja and we've almost got it all back together :)

Wait, do we still use the Box Spring?
Ummm...no.
Just have to rehang some pictures...
Ahhh, done :)

26 Week Belly...

And MAN do I feel HUGE!

First Freckles

I love that my children have freckles. I adore each and every one of them and love how excited we all get when we spy a new spot where the sun kissed us. I've been meaning to document these for a while now - well, since Fin's first freckle showed up when he was about Dash's age - but of course I'm just now getting to it. You might need to click to see the images larger to see the actual freckles.

Dash's first freckles showed up almost at the same time - on his left hand and wrist. In the past few weeks he's started to show a few on his nose too. He's not so impressed with them yet.


Fin's first freckle was on the inside of his right knee. I always thought it was an interesting spot for the first one to arrive. His face is totally peppered with them now thanks to our daily swimming routine.

Wordless Wednesday - More Backyard

A Change is Coming

Tonight, as I bathed the boys, for the first time in a long time things felt, well, easy. Maybe not easy, the day was still filled with tears and tantrums and arguing, so maybe doable is a better word? Brooks is out of town and he is usually my right hand when it comes to handling all the nightime duties. But I managed to get dinner served, dishes done, laundry put away, vacuumed, prepped bedrooms for bed and got everyone clean and jammified in a relatively reasonable amount of time and with few skirmishes.

Now we're watching one more show before a book and bed and for the first time in many nights I don't feel like I'm just holding my breath and waiting to collapse into a heap as soon as I can feel stillness and quiet.

Of course, I also realize that I'm on the cusp of huge changes.

The boys are showing more and more self-sufficiency every day. Some days Fin requires so little from me physically that it feels like he won't need me at all too soon. Yet while the physical dependence has dropped off, his emotional needs are at times more exhausting and exasperating. He demands an explanation for everything and questions my every request or instruction. I've even caught myself saying "shut up", which I always swore I wouldn't. There are times when I pray just for a minute of quiet. Fin has never met a silence he couldn't fill. But as he branches out into new activities like swimming and tball, I am ceaselessly impressed with his ability to befriend everyone and enjoy these new experiences. Even when the evil tball baddies told him he was a "baby", it didn't deter him for one second from referring to them as his new friends. At school, they've taken to calling him Casanova for the obvious reasons. He loves girls and alternates between holding Macayla's hand at fire drill, to rubbing Lauren's back at circle time, to snuggling up to Kelly at share time. And yet when I spy on him out on the playground (yes, I'm that mom!) he's also happy to be in the thick of things with the rough and tumble boys, rolling around on the grass and asking to go higher and faster on the tire swing. I sometimes wonder how my childhood might have been different had I been as friendly as he is.

Dash is in the sweet spot. The little pocket of time where the screaming, clinging baby is a memory and the surly, back-talking toddler is still on the distant horizon. He's pleasant and happy. He's snuggly and yet still independent. He loves playing with Fin and yet also relishes his time alone with me and by himself. Unlike his brother, he loves to be read to and will continuously beg for more books when one is finished. While he enjoys his small MyGym friends, he's far more in his element playing with the "big kids". He is fearless in every way. He wants to jump in swimming pools, leap off of beds, run fast and far, and he is never bothered by the (somewhat more than occasional) tumble. He has taken to smacking my belly and exclaiming "BABY!" - or sometimes "BAD BABY!" which is a harder smack followed by maniacal laughter. Yet I know he has no idea how much life is about to change.

Experience should dismiss many of the fears that come with welcoming a new family member, but somehow it doesn't. I know Fin will adjust smoothly. He knows he's gaining a playmate and loves all babies. Dash is another matter entirely. I often find myself looking at him and feeling as though he was truly meant to be an oldest child. And I worry how this child will fit in. If Dash is the Yang to Fin's Ying, what will my third son represent? Of course I also wonder who he will best get along with. Mostly I just hope to keep everyone feeling secure and preferably happy through the transition.

I also have selfish worries. I can vividly remember having a smallish breakdown while pregnant with Dash and crying to Brooks about what would happen if I just didn't have time to do my hair or put on makeup anymore. He, of course, laughed and told me it didn't matter. What I was really worrying about was how much more of myself having a second child would cost. And while I have had a few days where I had to disguise dirty hair in a pony tail or do a quickie makeup job, for the most part I know that concern was silly. But what about a third child? A third bed to make, a third set of laundry to do, a third set of dishes, a third body to groom, slather sunscreen on and battle into dress? If there's one thing that I learned in having Dash, it is that adding a child doesn't multiply the responsibilities, it upps them exponentially.

And then, I had to stop writing for a while. Dash was sleepy and demanded my arms to snuggle in. And has he dozed off, snuggled into my chest, I remembered all the wonderful moments when he and Fin were tiny and fit in the crook of my arm. When I started to doze myself, lulled by happy gurgles of contentment and the delicious smell of new baby. And I felt ready.

Wordless Wednesday- Backyard Edition

For Dash at 18 months

My Dearest Dash,

I'm sorry I've been so bad at keeping up with writing these for you - I already feel like I'm going to be terrible at keeping up with them for your baby brother!

Speaking of which, I suppose that's as good a place as any to start. You're going to be a big brother this August and despite how many times I tell you or explain it or make you watch a Discovery baby show, you have NO CLUE. You seem to think that my growing belly is just something for you to play on. When Fin was in your shoes, he seemed to grasp it all. But then again, Fin always loved babies - much the same way you love ducks. I guess I'd have better luck explaining to you that there was a duck in there :)

We are getting ready to take your second vacation to Topsail - I hope you like the beach as much as you did on your first visit and that you continue to have far more patience for sand than your brother does! We're flying out there without Daddy because he's saving time off for August, so Mommy is more than a little nervous about how she's going to handle you and Fin through a red eye flight with a connection. But I know you'll have a great time with your grandparents and your uncles and it will be nice for Mommy and Daddy to get a break in before your brother arrives.

Speaking of travelling, you continue to amaze all of us with your speed! One of the other Daddies at MyGym remarked that if his son could keep up with you, he was in good shape. The only problem is that you are NOT very coordinated. You trip and fall a thousand times an hour and your ability to smack your head into things is truly amazing. On the bright side, nothing seems to rattle you. You fell down the front steps the other day, stood up, SPIT out gravel and laughed at your scraped up face. You're all boy, that's for sure!

Your talking has picked up AMAZINGLY in the past few weeks - you can repeat anything that Mommy or Daddy says and you're finally able to say "Fin". One of your first perfect words was "please" and you use it all the time now - it makes Mommy so proud! You're still eating everything in sight and I really don't know where you put it! You are quickly approaching 25 lbs and wearing all 2T already, but you easily eat double what Fin does and some days I swear you eat more than your pregnant Mommy. You love any fresh fruit and you are obsessed with "dipping". You will eat anything as long as you have something to dip it in - from guacamole and salsa to marinara or alfredo and of course ketchup. You're not so keen on meat these days, and have also developed quite a taste for chocolate.

Our days are still pretty busy with Fin in school. Mommy is trying to keep up with walks on Mondays and Wednesdays, but as she gets larger they shorten and shorten. We always find our way to the lake because you LOVE the ducks! You scream at the top of your lungs every time you see them! Mommy tries to make sure we have a little bread to feed them and they even nipped you taking it right out of your hand last week - you didn't seem to mind and kept right on going. Tuesdays and Thursdays Fin is in school till noon and we get a little time alone together. On Tuesdays I take you to get a bagel and then we're off to MyGym. You love it but absolutely refuse to sit still for circle time - there's just too much for you to run around and do! Fin's school friends Owen and Colin have little siblings in your class so it's nice for Mommy to have some time to chat too. You're getting very good at sharing and always want to play with the other children - from balls to pushing them on the swings. We still spend plenty of time visiting with James - who is now just as much your friend as Fin's - and Monika. You get out of the car at her house and run to bang on the door screaming "Monika" perfectly! We even get playtimes with Maya and little Leila some days. I wish I had as many friends at your age as you do!

Ok my dear, time to go get some things done. I can't believe how quickly you're growing! It won't be long before I have to plan your second birthday fete and figure out what you'll be for Halloween. And just as I typed that, you laid your head down on my lap - I'm so glad you're my little boy!

All My Love,
Mom

23 Week Belly

I tried something a little different for this week's belly shots. And honestly, it didn't work AT ALL the way I wanted. I just can't take pictures of myself. I might have Brooks help me do some better ones in the next few weeks. I guess since this my last time pregnant, I want to make sure I document it :)

22 Week Belly

Ok, I officially feel HUGE. Although I have to say that for once my Dr. is telling me I'm right on track. Yay! Dash wanted in on the belly exposure too :)

Help Me Internets, From Tball Hell

Ok Internets, I need your advice.

This week, Fin started t-ball. Initially I was a tad hesitant to start him because, dude, he's three. But he has a few friends doing it and I thought it would be a good opportunity for him. I don't expect - or want - any of my kids to be professional athletes, but I would like them to enjoy sports. My hope is to give them every opportunity I can to try as many new and fun things as they can. I also hope it will make Fin tired enough to sleep past 6:30 am.

Anyway, our first practice was this week and our first game is this weekend. Because I was a little late to the party, Fin isn't on a team with his friends and instead is on one where we don't know anyone. I wasn't worried about this. Fin loves kids, all kids, and makes friends almost instantly so if this experience was going to be tough on anyone it would be me since I don't know any of the parents. And, um, you know how I feel about making new friends. So I figured that the team didn't so much matter.

And that was mistake number one.

As the kids start to show up to practice, I notice that Fin, who is usually the shortest anyway, is DWARFED by some of these kids. One kid in particular is damn near my height. And then I see some of them play and it becomes clear that this is SO not the first time they've been on a team. But I know how enthusiastic Fin has been so I'm hoping that would compensate for height and lack of experience. The coaches seem nice and he seems to quickly find a niche among the other kids, so I sit back with Dash to watch the practice.

As I'm watching, I'm also (duh) eavesdropping on the parents chit chat around me. I shouldn't have been surprised, but still I was as I heard one parent say to the other "oh yeah, my son is five too, he'll be six, but I really felt like he needed another year in Division One". Oh how I wish I could say I were joking. At least this explains why this child looks like a giant! But seriously, who red-shirts their kid IN T-BALL, AT FOUR (or five?). Seriously?

I redirect my attentions to Fin and get my camera out to document this first practice of his first sport ever (and also, because people tend not to approach you when you're hiding behind a camera which I find very convenient). The coach is tossing fly balls to the kids and calling out names for each one to make a catch. It's Fin's turn and I'm thrilled to see that he's right under it, mitt ready...that is until giant Robbie Rotten (RR) walks over, grabs his mitt and CHUCKS IT as far afield as he can (which is actually impressively far). I'm still trying to figure out why he didn't just try and push him aside or catch it himself...I mean seriously, who does that?!? I loudly explain to Dash how rude the boy was while his mother shoots me a sideways glance but still says nothing.

Things progress uneventfully and I'm proud to watch Fin totally unfazed by the events.

As practice ends, it's time for the team meeting so the kids run to play together while the parents receive a never ending list of instructions on the when's and where's (forget your lazy Saturday mornings, it's game day!) and what's of the deal (anyone know where you can find a cup for a three year old?). I notice that a friend of mine has arrived with her son so that the boys can play in the park a little so I concentrate on listening to the coach knowing that someone has an eye on Fin.

Fin's buddy had brought with him two toys for them to play with which was an immediate hit. That is until RR and his evil sidekick decided they wanted to play too. Evil Sidekick (ES)grabs the toy from Fin and starts taunting him with it. Fin asks (nicely even I think!) for it back and is told no. Apparently there was also some teasing over his height and he told me later that the two shitheads referred to him as "a baby who shouldn't be on their team". This is about where I come in to see ES rolling down the kill, toy in hand, and Fin helping him along with a swift kick to his torso. I immediately reprimand Fin for kicking and direct him to apologize while my friend filled me in on what led up to it. Fin is trying to tell me about ES taking the toy while my friend goes up to the boy directly and tells him it's time to give it back to her. Which is when the kid THROWS it at her. Throws it. At an adult.

I'm starting to wonder if he could possibly be the rock tosser from the park.

After a lot of thought, I'm going to keep Fin on the team. He loves it, even with his complaints about being teased. I don't want him to run from adversity either. But as he was back on the subject tonight, lamenting being referred to as a baby, I told him that the next time RR said anything like that to him he should tell him that he should be on a team with kids his own age. Possibly not the best thing to say, but I was frustrated.

So Internets, here's my dilemma. How do I advise him to handle all this? And how involved do I get? I know it was wrong for him to kick ES, but really that kid totally asked for it (not that I told Fin that). How do I raise a boy who isn't a bully but also isn't a victim?

Practical and Peanut Gallery opinions appreciated!

To Share Or Not To Share

Aunt Becky raised an interesting question lately about how much to reveal in your blog and what lengths to go to avoid offending people who may or may not be reading. It struck a cord with me since I've been working on a post that I've scrapped more than a few times because I was afraid it would hurt or piss someone off.

And then there's also the question of whether anyone is reading and really cares anyway

In the end, whether it's because I genuinely care about the person or because I just don't want to have to listen to them bitch, I generally just bag the post and try and move on. But this can present some issues too, because for me, one of the reasons I started blogging was a way to reflect on daily life without having to use a written journal so when I avoid honesty I'm not so much being true to myself.

And also, it's a lot less interesting to read when I put on my big girl panties and suck it up.

I mean, you might really enjoy reading my rant against an acquaintance who had the nerve to poke fun at the way I dress up my kids just as she was knitting sweaters for her dog. Or how much it pisses me off that my grandmother decides to have a health catastrophe every time I get pregnant. I mean really, I'd like to be able to call my mom and bitch about not feeling well without feeling guilty because I know that her day has been just as hard physically and likely harder emotionally. And then there are the many entries I've started about other peoples kids that piss me off and how much I HATE going to the park where tiney-hiney'd mamas in exercise garb gab at each other while their little monsters steal toys, push, and shove my kids, and THROW ROCKS AT ME. I mean literally, when you hear a conversation about how much they give up to stay home while paying ZERO attention to their children, you want to scream - GO TO WORK AND GET A NANNY! DO IT FOR ALL OF US. Ok, so maybe I will write more on that one, cause seriously? That shit PISSES ME OFF.

But generally, I think most of those things are best left in the basement. Go visit. Read secrets. Write something yourself. It's cathartic, I promise.

Meanwhile, I might be a bit of a stranger lately. Fin is on Spring Break (which makes me want to cry at the prospect of pending summer) and I'm working on a cool project with a friend that I promise to share soon.

20 Week Update

Well, here we are! 20 Weeks! I feel like 20 weeks is soooo much longer to wait, but at the same time that these first 20 have gone by fairly quickly. Here's hoping the rest do too.

I'm in maternity clothes for the first time this week. They're still huge but so comfy and I know I'll grow into them before I'm ready. Little boy is also kicking up a storm and can actually now be seen from the outside which is pretty cool and Brooks gets to feel him every night since his favorite time to be active is around 9pm.

We had an ultrasound today - everything looked great and normal and he's measuring right on schedule. He had been kicking low and then seemed to turn this morning. During the ultrasound he went from transverse facing out to facing down and kept turning - the technician was pretty sure he was getting himself situated head down - which would be fantastic if he could get there and stay there. I also noticed that my back felt a little better today so I'm hoping that his position change has something to do with that as well.

I'll be scanning the new pictures as soon as the hubs gets home, so look for them soon :)

The Pregnant Lady Gets Busted

Ok, so I'm going to go ahead and start this by saying that I warned you. As a pregnant woman, I should have my drivers license suspended. Immediately. And then Brooks should get some kind of special leave to stay home with me all day so that he can take care of me and drive me around. I'm working on all that.

And I also need to remind you that I'm sometimes deaf. And that this past week, I seemed to be very deaf.

And finally, I have to say that I've NEVER been pulled over before. So if you're screaming that I'm an idiot who should have known what was up, know that much. Actually, I've only once even been IN a car that was pulled over. For "Brightin' Me". But that's a whole 'nother Oprah, right Emily?

So now, here is the whole story. And I'm sure it's one my kids will be telling and tormenting me with for years to come...

I spent the whole morning Friday cleaning house, washing sheets and packing for our Palm Springs weekend adventure. Also on my mind was the tax increase that will happen April 1 here in CA. On a hunch, I called the furniture store where We'd picked out Fin and Dash's new bed to see if they were running a special. Indeed they were! Since we were all packed and ready and Brooks was running late, I decided to head over there and order the beds so I could save some moolah.

(Wait, since Brooks was running late, can I blame him some too?)

We're in the car, headed over to the furniture store, driving down a nice straightaway, when I notice a cop behind me. And his lights are on. But they're not flashing. And I don't hear anything. What does that mean? I'm going the speed limit, so I carry on. A few seconds later I notice he's RIGHT UP ON ME, so I change lanes right. He follows. I'm now starting to be concerned that maybe he's after me. So I pull over one more right lane. He follows. Ok, I think he's definitely after me. I pull over into he next parking lot.

And that's when all hell breaks loose.

The next thing I know, he's pulled in fast, skidding and horizontally behind my car and is yelling over the intercom for me to get out of the car. I glance back at the kids - who clearly think this is awesome fun! - and get out of the car. HANDS ON THE HOOD NOW! I think I actually giggled because all I could think of was that someone with the same car must have done something BAD. And I mean please, a pregnant woman with two toddlers in the car is SUCH a threat?!?

Cop: "Ma'am, WHY DIDN'T YOU PULL OVER?!?!"

Ruh roh.

I'll spare you the rest of the conversation play-by-play as it was long, confusing and frequently interrupted by screams from the car (Mom, where are my sunglasses? Mom, I'm hungry? Mom, can we ride in the police car?). Apparently I was going a tad fast. As I learned on my drive home, the asshat officer was waiting right where the speed limit changes to nab people who miss it. But the bigger problem was that he had allegedly been following me, sirens blaring, yelling on the horn, for FIVE MINUTES. And he had asked me to pull over left. So all things considered, he had decided that I was "a runner". Sigh. A lengthy explanation of Minears disease and a google search from the cop car later, he told me he had to give me a speeding ticket since he had it on radar (which is totally a crapper because I was going the SAME DAMN SPEED as the person ahead of me and the one next to me, but I wasn't exactly in a position to argue).

So I am now the proud owner of my first speeding ticket.

Because I assumed that it was what you were SUPPOSED to do, I called my husband. He was simultaneously unamused and unsympathetic and intimated that the ticket could be the equivalent of our national debt. So I called my mom. I figured that if my generally kind husband took a tough love approach, maybe the universe was off and my tough love mother would be kind. Thankfully she was. And so I felt better. And when I reminded Brooks about his last traffic ticket and how I was not only nice but also did his helped him do online traffic school, he was nicer too. He just assumed that because I wasn't crying, I wasn't taking the situation seriously.

Which reminds me, why on possibly the only advantageous occasion, does the pregnant woman for once NOT cry. I mean, it was all I could do not to laugh out loud. Oops.

In the end, the boys got their bed for a great deal (I won't tell you how much I saved, but how does a grand sound?) and we had a fantastic weekend.

Since the ticket won't come close to the savings, I still won in the end, right?

Wordless Wednesday

18 Weeks...How Did We Get So Far?

Snoopy and I had our regular appointment with the NP this morning. Looking good! We had a funny exchange, but for you to really grasp the humor you have to know a few things: English is not her first language and her accent is thick, she was my NP with Fin also so I feel that I know her well, and also she's totally adorable and generally very nice (not like Cranky McNastypants who was my NP with Dash!). Anyway, our conversation went like this:

NP: You're belly not so big for 18 weeks! Itty Bitty. (Glances at chart) OH WEIGHT GAIN LOTS! WHERE WEIGHT GO (checks my feet, looking for signs of the swelling that added at least 20 lbs to my pregnancy with Fin)?

Me: It's all in my HINEY!

NP: (Erupts in fit of giggles) Give some to baby, hiney not need it!

You're telling me lady!!

In other news, Snoopy has started really kicking me in earnest. It's an odd reminder of how real all this is and how quickly things have been moving...

A Little Brag

So a few weeks ago I broke down and bought a backdrop for the house. I found a good deal I couldn't pass up (let's not yet address how wrinkled and um, HUGE it is). But what I REALLY wanted was a backdrop with a rich damask pattern. Alas, those are well more than my budget allows. Sniffle. But I consider myself pretty resourceful, so I set out to make my own...in photoshop of course! I'm pretty happy with how it turned out!

The Joy of Difference

I can vividly remember being pregnant with Dash and holding and snuggling Fin, trying to push away the dull ache that came with the knowledge that soon, very soon, this perfect little creature was going to have to share my attentions - and my heart. Like any mother expecting her second, I worried how it would be possible for me to love ANYONE as much as I loved Fin. I worried that I would resent Dash for taking so much of me away from Fin. I worried that Fin would suffer for this new addition, an addition that we had very much wanted and planned for to join our family. Because I was pregnant, and a mom, I worried and worried and worried...

And then Dash arrived. Instantly, the moment I looked into his little blue eyes, it was like my heart added a special chamber just for him. A separate piece of me, nestled up right where my love for Fin continues to grow. And just like that I had just as much love for Dash.

I can honestly say that I have never for a second resented Dash for the attention he diverted from Fin. Instead I love him all the more for the attention he has ADDED to Fin. Even in the early days when babies and toddlers looked to be the two most incompatible forces in the universe, I would get small previews into our future. The way a mother's heart melts when she sees one of her children, all on his own, make the other smile with joy. Little glimpses into the life where two boys became favorite playmates and the best of friends.

We're so there.

My new bliss is watching them both grow, together and apart, and finding myself ceaselessly amazed at the differences that become more apparent each day.

There are moments when I catch Fin doing something and suddenly I am my mother watching me. He carries so many shades of myself it is both exhilarating and terrifying all at once. When he focuses on accomplishing something, look out world because it will get done. He talks back and is constantly searching out new ways to challenge me. He is astonishingly quick witted and so incredibly stubborn that it often takes a village of experts to convince him that he might be wrong. He is all boy, rough and tumble, push and shove and yet he hates getting messy. He is strong and yet he is extremely sensitive. If someone falls or gets upset, he is often the first person rushing to their side and trying to hug away whatever ails them. While I can attribute 90% of his attitude and personality to my gene pool, he also has the most amazing imagination - and that is something that comes directly from his father. He is constantly inspiring me to think in new ways, and not just about Star Wars :) In so many ways I am forever grateful that he was my first because he has pushed me to grow in ways that only attempting to raise yourself can.

As much as I can see myself when I watch Fin, it is Brooks that I see when I watch Dash. Teething not withstanding, he is nearly always happy. He is calm, even tempered, and since birth has seemed to have a "zen" about him. He is an "old soul". He is creative, drawing with crayons when other children would be eating them and taking great delight in building the tallest block towers. He is incredibly gregarious and in his element when surrounded by as many other children as possible. When we drop Fin off at school, he sometimes looks at me, lost, and I feel sorry for him that he has to lose his comrade for that brief period. When given the opportunity to play with the children his age, he will largely ignore them in favor of Fin and his crew. I think if he were able to talk, he would assure you that he is in fact the same age as his brother and all his friends. And he holds his own as if that were the case, running just as fast, trying to push just as hard, and forever trying to pedal their tricycles and big wheels. I am torn between wishing for him to catch up and holding him back with all my power. Most amazingly, he shares his father's soothing touch. When he puts his hand on my shoulder (as he strangely often does) it holds the same steadying and calming effect as Brooks' hand always has. Of course it makes me wonder what woman will be lucky enough to someday benefit from it as I have. Seeing so much of his father in him makes me love him all the more.

And now we're about to grow again. To welcome another boy into the bunch. As Dash snuggled with me today, I did worry a bit how it will affect him to lose his status as the baby. I'm a mother, that's my job. But I'm also looking forward to the journey ahead. I can't wait to see what this little boy will add to our lives, how he will complement Fin and Dash and whose personality he will more closely resemble. Perhaps I'll find that he's more of a combination of us both. Maybe he'll be a whole new and unexpected version of us.

Most of all, I can't wait until that first time I catch Fin and Dash making him laugh, all by themselves.

Wordless Wednesday