An online friend of mine recently authored an eye-opening blog post about what it's like to be a mom who works outside the home. I guess it was especially interesting to me since I live on the other side of that white picket fence. In case you didn't know, I'm a proud Stay at Home Mom or (SAHM). It's such a hot button issue, I can't believe I've never written about it before.
In her post, she spoke about the fantasizing that goes on in either camp - what life would be like if you were to hop over that fence and feel that green grass growing under your own toes. And so I wonder. Especially on the bad days here when I'm at my breaking point and I just want to walk outside and scream at the top of my lungs. I wonder how that other half lives. I wonder if I would be happier over there, or if I'd just find myself wishing for the other life. I'm not delusional, I know that it's a challenge to miss those milestone moments in your childs' lives. I know it's heartbreaking when your children ask you not to leave them. And I know it must claw at your soul to watch another woman mother your children.
But in an office, you are a person. You have a job with an end, a product, a result. Something you can stand behind in the end and say "I did this". In an office, you sit and do your job, eat your lunch or get out for lunch, go to the bathroom by yourself and on a good day you might even hear that you did a good job. Sure you can make the same argument for children I guess, but that's really more of an end-of-life recognition where your boss says you did well. But in an office, you have an autonomy that you simply do not have at home. And that I do think that every working mother understands. Probably even appreciates.
There are other things too, like no one says to the working mother "Oh I know you stay home with the kids, so will you head XYZ Committee?" And yes, of course you can say no, but there is a tremendous amount of competition that goes on between SAHM. Everyone wants to be the room mother (or at least, everyone wants to SAY they are the room mother). Everyone wants to volunteer in their child's class. And yes, conferences and events at school can be tricky for the working mother who must arrange for time off. But when you have more than one child, they are still tricky as I must think of child-care. If the working mother had to beg off one of these events, she would find herself excused for her job. A SAHM? I'm sure there is a soap opera and bon bon joke in there somewhere...
And speaking of competition, the SAHM carries the full burden of child-rearing. No one expects the mother who works outside the home to be teaching her children their shapes, colors, letters, numbers, how to read...But the SAHM? We're responsible. If the child isn't potty trained by their second birthday? Judged. If their child can't name all of their colors at the same time as their peers? Judged. And if they fail to send their child to Kindergarten ready to read? Judged. What about your child's health? The SAHM mother best be sure that her children get plenty of exercise and also develop the most healthy of eating habits. Those habits are for life peoples!
She also touched on something that has been in the front of my mind lately too. As we look for a larger house to give our family a little more room, I am often reminded that we could have more income in a few years when I am able to return to work. Being a stay at home mother means working as hard as you can (often harder than you imagined was possible) for a few years in an effort to make your position obsolete. That is the end goal right? To raise kind, intelligent people who will be able to live without your constant care and attention. It kind of makes me have a new respect for models and athletes - having a job with that short of a shelf life blows.
So yes, when Kell goes to school in a few years I will be able to return to work. But I didn't really have time (ok, or motivation) to get any kind of career off of the ground before I had children. But what if I had? Even if I had finished some professional degree that offered me a field to return to, I'd still face a staggering lag in salary. Economists have said that giving up a career to be a SAHM can cost upwards of 1 million dollars over a lifetime. Ouch!
Would I change my decision to stay home with my kids? No. Not a chance. These days are few and precious. I know plenty of women who would be miserable with my day-to-day. Women who thrive in an office and would find this clean, dress, cook, clean, shlep life stifling and isolating. And certainly I don't think this SAHM gig is for everyone and I'm beyond supportive of my peers who shatter that glass ceiling and go into an office to make the world (or at least their home) a better place every day. But that just wouldn't be me. I've always been more sweats than pantyhose anyway ;)
Saturday, October 09, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Life On The Sun
It's way too hot here in the Southland. WAY TOO HOT. My car said 118 yesterday. That's damn near 20 degrees over 100. I know, I'm a math whiz. But seriously, say it that way and it will drive home the point of how incredibly hot that is. I know, but it's a dry heat, right? Seriously, at 118 does it matter?! I kept the kids in undies most of the day and thought of just declaring it a nekked day, but I think Brooks would have had a heart attack. I feel like we're just living on the surface of the sun this week!
The boys are doing great in school. Fin has a new girlfriend, Sienna, who is adorable. He's been working more on his penmanship with me at home and is working hard at sounding out words and beginning to read in bits. Soccer is in full swing and he's really enjoying it this year (which makes one of us). Dash loves school too and is always disappointed to find that only Fin goes on Wednesdays. We're working hard on learning his shapes and colors. This week we're going to start on his letters too I hope. Kell is finally standing on his own and I expect him to start walking any minute now. His two bottom teeth have sprouted through and I know there are more on the way. He's starting to repeat tons of words and I feel like he's going to follow Fin in the lots-of-talking-less-walking pattern.
As for house news? There is none. We still own ours and our list of five we loved vanished in a three day period. So now we wait. We don't have a house we'd love to move into so we're just in a holding pattern. Brooks and I vacillate daily on what we want to do next - some days we just want to pull this house off the market and start making some of the improvements we'd like and other days we just feel like sardines in a can bursting at the seams! We've decided we'll take a long look at the situation this weekend.
That's about all I have for you today! Thrilling I know. I promise I'll find something more interesting to write when my brain isn't consumed with house stuff, and birthdays, and Halloween...
The boys are doing great in school. Fin has a new girlfriend, Sienna, who is adorable. He's been working more on his penmanship with me at home and is working hard at sounding out words and beginning to read in bits. Soccer is in full swing and he's really enjoying it this year (which makes one of us). Dash loves school too and is always disappointed to find that only Fin goes on Wednesdays. We're working hard on learning his shapes and colors. This week we're going to start on his letters too I hope. Kell is finally standing on his own and I expect him to start walking any minute now. His two bottom teeth have sprouted through and I know there are more on the way. He's starting to repeat tons of words and I feel like he's going to follow Fin in the lots-of-talking-less-walking pattern.
As for house news? There is none. We still own ours and our list of five we loved vanished in a three day period. So now we wait. We don't have a house we'd love to move into so we're just in a holding pattern. Brooks and I vacillate daily on what we want to do next - some days we just want to pull this house off the market and start making some of the improvements we'd like and other days we just feel like sardines in a can bursting at the seams! We've decided we'll take a long look at the situation this weekend.
That's about all I have for you today! Thrilling I know. I promise I'll find something more interesting to write when my brain isn't consumed with house stuff, and birthdays, and Halloween...
Monday, September 13, 2010
Haircuts and Mistakes
A few weeks ago I had the urge to get a fancy haircut. My head hadn't seen scissors in about five years, so I felt it was time. And with the house on the market and the possibility of a higher payment in a new home looming, I decided it was a good time to treat myself to a good one.
That was my first mistake.
So I went to a recommended salon and was able to get right in. Score! I told the chopping chick that I just wanted a trim. What about some long layers? WHY DO I FALL FOR THIS EVERY TIME??!? I HATE LAYERS?!? They would look so nice, it would make it lighter...blah blah blah...Ok.
That was my second mistake.
When your hair is down to your hiney, in WHOSE UNIVERSE IS CHIN LENGTH A LONG LAYER?!? THAT, my friends, is a VERY SHORT layer! And some mutant pieces are even shorter than that?! I thought I was going to cry. A first visit to Honest Monika confirmed my worst fears: I looked like I had short hair with long tracks clipped into the underside. For shame.
I spent the next three weeks trying to curl the underside more so it looked at least closer to even. Mostly I failed. And then my parents came to visit. Even my dad started to make fun of me. And when my mom was ragging on me in front of our Realtor and the REALTOR commented on how she thought it was fake hair this whole time?!? I knew something had to be done. But the weekend flew and I had no time to get to Supercuts.
(Sidenote: Supercuts will be getting all of my business from now on because you tell those bitches to cut a straight line and miraculously that's what they do! HOLLA!)
So this morning in the shower I considered shaving my head. But I didn't. I got out, opened my drawer and grabbed the first pair of scissors I could find.
(Another sidenote: curved cuticle scissors are NOT recommended for cutting hair.)
And I cut it. I cut my own hair. I cut damn near a foot off of my own hair. With curved cuticle scissors. Over the sink. Then I called my long-hair-loving husband in and asked him if the back was even. Then I watched him alternate between sadness and rage and finally agree to take a look at the back.
I'm hoping he'll get over it. Any hints for getting hair to grow faster?
That was my first mistake.
So I went to a recommended salon and was able to get right in. Score! I told the chopping chick that I just wanted a trim. What about some long layers? WHY DO I FALL FOR THIS EVERY TIME??!? I HATE LAYERS?!? They would look so nice, it would make it lighter...blah blah blah...Ok.
That was my second mistake.
When your hair is down to your hiney, in WHOSE UNIVERSE IS CHIN LENGTH A LONG LAYER?!? THAT, my friends, is a VERY SHORT layer! And some mutant pieces are even shorter than that?! I thought I was going to cry. A first visit to Honest Monika confirmed my worst fears: I looked like I had short hair with long tracks clipped into the underside. For shame.
I spent the next three weeks trying to curl the underside more so it looked at least closer to even. Mostly I failed. And then my parents came to visit. Even my dad started to make fun of me. And when my mom was ragging on me in front of our Realtor and the REALTOR commented on how she thought it was fake hair this whole time?!? I knew something had to be done. But the weekend flew and I had no time to get to Supercuts.
(Sidenote: Supercuts will be getting all of my business from now on because you tell those bitches to cut a straight line and miraculously that's what they do! HOLLA!)
So this morning in the shower I considered shaving my head. But I didn't. I got out, opened my drawer and grabbed the first pair of scissors I could find.
(Another sidenote: curved cuticle scissors are NOT recommended for cutting hair.)
And I cut it. I cut my own hair. I cut damn near a foot off of my own hair. With curved cuticle scissors. Over the sink. Then I called my long-hair-loving husband in and asked him if the back was even. Then I watched him alternate between sadness and rage and finally agree to take a look at the back.
I'm hoping he'll get over it. Any hints for getting hair to grow faster?
Friday, September 03, 2010
House News...
Otherwise known as, what's been keeping me busy AND more stressed out than ever:
Our house is on the market.
We found a larger home that we can all happily fit into just up the road a bit. But of course we have to sell this one before we buy that one.
So this means keeping this house immaculate, staging (meaning half the stuff I need I can't find, half the kids toys are in the garage etc.) and of course running out with little notice when someone wants to see the place. And we've had over 20 showings so far (a little over two weeks) and not a buyer yet. I'm so flippin' tired of vacuuming that I could hurl.
(And speaking of hurling, the stomach flu is going around. I can't think of anything more challenging than current conditions. Oh unless you add a stomach bug. And did I mention that my parents will be here next weekend?)
When I whined to my mother about the insanity of all this, her response was "Do you think you're the only woman who had to sell her house with three small children and a hardworking husband?" Probably not, but I'd sure like to talk to that other chick! St. Joseph is buried and we're still getting calls for showings so cross your fingers for us! I hope to have a longer post - and some good news! - soon!
Our house is on the market.
We found a larger home that we can all happily fit into just up the road a bit. But of course we have to sell this one before we buy that one.
So this means keeping this house immaculate, staging (meaning half the stuff I need I can't find, half the kids toys are in the garage etc.) and of course running out with little notice when someone wants to see the place. And we've had over 20 showings so far (a little over two weeks) and not a buyer yet. I'm so flippin' tired of vacuuming that I could hurl.
(And speaking of hurling, the stomach flu is going around. I can't think of anything more challenging than current conditions. Oh unless you add a stomach bug. And did I mention that my parents will be here next weekend?)
When I whined to my mother about the insanity of all this, her response was "Do you think you're the only woman who had to sell her house with three small children and a hardworking husband?" Probably not, but I'd sure like to talk to that other chick! St. Joseph is buried and we're still getting calls for showings so cross your fingers for us! I hope to have a longer post - and some good news! - soon!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
To Kell at ONE!
My Dearest Baby,
I was just sitting in bed, breathing you in while we snuggled for a nap and I realized I hadn't written you a birthday note yet!
We celebrated you with very little fanfare this year. Daddy's parents, Turbo and Gran, and Uncle Russ were in town for a visit and we snuck away to Coronado for a few days. We didn't do much, as vacationers are want to do, but on your birthday we took the family to Sea World. I thought it would be pretty lost on you but you LOVED it! We sat and watched the Shamu Believe show and you yelled and clapped for the whales the whole time. I can't wait to take you back when you're a little bit older.
When I think about how we spend our days, I feel a little guilty because they're so much busier than my baby days with your brothers. I feel like we're always running errands, or going on play dates. Now that you're a little bigger, you're really starting to feel part of it all. The big kids are forever yelling at me to come get you as you try to destroy whatever masterpiece they're building, steal their toy, their water, their food. I know you just don't realize that you're not so big yet. I always try to get home to snuggle you for a nap - I so relish that time with you! Mealtimes might be your favorite of all - I've never seen a kid eat like you do! You're a bottomless pit! You like just about anything but meat and veggies are your favorite. You adore chicken and squash. I swear I don't know where you put it!
When Daddy comes home, you get SUPER excited! You crawl as fast as your chubby little legs can carry you screaming "DADADAAAA". If he doesn't pick you up immediately, you continue to scream while scaling his legs. Truly I've never seen a baby boy so in love with his Daddy! Once we've said our hellos, we take our tubs. You love getting in and playing with your big brothers. It makes us so happy to see all three of you playing nicely together. After we put your big brothers to bed, you have some one-on-one time with Daddy. He loves snuggling with you and that's pretty much how you fall asleep every night. You're still not sleeping all through the night (good thing you're cute!) and when you wake up around 5ish, Daddy just brings you in here with us and you go right back to sleep between us until your brothers come in and hop in to wake us all up.
You're not a walker yet. Crawling up a storm and cruising, but not yet ready to take the steps on your own. You also have no teeth?!? Very odd but the Dr. said not to worry till you're two so we have a ways to go - and it doesn't stop you from eating everything so I guess it's all good! You're also a talking fool. Daddy laughs at me when I talk about how I thought I'd get at least one quiet child. Not you! You say "Mama", "Dada", "Daddy", "Uh-oh", "Hi", and "Bye" as well as "Thank You" which cracks us up because you say it so well (and appropriately!) sometimes we have to look to see which child said it! You're also pretty good at repeating things when we say them to you. You also have terrific comprehension and can follow Mommy's directions well - when you want to! I know you understand almost everything I tell you :)
That's your life right now my little one! I'm trying to remember daily that you're only little for the smallest of time and you're growing up too fast!
I love you more than you know! (At least until you have children of your own someday :)
Mama
I was just sitting in bed, breathing you in while we snuggled for a nap and I realized I hadn't written you a birthday note yet!
We celebrated you with very little fanfare this year. Daddy's parents, Turbo and Gran, and Uncle Russ were in town for a visit and we snuck away to Coronado for a few days. We didn't do much, as vacationers are want to do, but on your birthday we took the family to Sea World. I thought it would be pretty lost on you but you LOVED it! We sat and watched the Shamu Believe show and you yelled and clapped for the whales the whole time. I can't wait to take you back when you're a little bit older.
When I think about how we spend our days, I feel a little guilty because they're so much busier than my baby days with your brothers. I feel like we're always running errands, or going on play dates. Now that you're a little bigger, you're really starting to feel part of it all. The big kids are forever yelling at me to come get you as you try to destroy whatever masterpiece they're building, steal their toy, their water, their food. I know you just don't realize that you're not so big yet. I always try to get home to snuggle you for a nap - I so relish that time with you! Mealtimes might be your favorite of all - I've never seen a kid eat like you do! You're a bottomless pit! You like just about anything but meat and veggies are your favorite. You adore chicken and squash. I swear I don't know where you put it!
When Daddy comes home, you get SUPER excited! You crawl as fast as your chubby little legs can carry you screaming "DADADAAAA". If he doesn't pick you up immediately, you continue to scream while scaling his legs. Truly I've never seen a baby boy so in love with his Daddy! Once we've said our hellos, we take our tubs. You love getting in and playing with your big brothers. It makes us so happy to see all three of you playing nicely together. After we put your big brothers to bed, you have some one-on-one time with Daddy. He loves snuggling with you and that's pretty much how you fall asleep every night. You're still not sleeping all through the night (good thing you're cute!) and when you wake up around 5ish, Daddy just brings you in here with us and you go right back to sleep between us until your brothers come in and hop in to wake us all up.
You're not a walker yet. Crawling up a storm and cruising, but not yet ready to take the steps on your own. You also have no teeth?!? Very odd but the Dr. said not to worry till you're two so we have a ways to go - and it doesn't stop you from eating everything so I guess it's all good! You're also a talking fool. Daddy laughs at me when I talk about how I thought I'd get at least one quiet child. Not you! You say "Mama", "Dada", "Daddy", "Uh-oh", "Hi", and "Bye" as well as "Thank You" which cracks us up because you say it so well (and appropriately!) sometimes we have to look to see which child said it! You're also pretty good at repeating things when we say them to you. You also have terrific comprehension and can follow Mommy's directions well - when you want to! I know you understand almost everything I tell you :)
That's your life right now my little one! I'm trying to remember daily that you're only little for the smallest of time and you're growing up too fast!
I love you more than you know! (At least until you have children of your own someday :)
Mama
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