My Dearest Dashel,
I can't believe you are THREE!! Where did the time go?! I know that Kell is really the baby of the family but in many ways you fill that role better. Fin and Kell are chatty and the first to make their wants and needs known. They are the most independent. You are my sensitive child. You are the first to ask to snuggle with me every morning, to sit on my lap at any opportunity and to ask if I love you (just in case I haven't already told you so that hour). And of course I do. I love you so very very much.
You started preschool this year. Your teachers are Miss Sherrie and Miss Char in the Blue room. You and Finley both go in the afternoons - you on Tuesday and Thursday and Fin goes alone on Wednesday. Wednesdays are hard because you love school SO much and can't understand why you can't go then too! You're learning by leaps and bounds and your teachers had nothing but wonderful things to say about you when I met with them this week. I was able to volunteer in your class for your Birthday treat day - it was so wonderful to see you having such a good time and getting along with everyone. I'm so glad that you're happy :)
At home you're working hard on mastering your colors. I think you just aren't so motivated and I can't blame you since you have two constant playmates. You and Fin fight just like any close brothers would but most of the time you're nothing but sweet to Kell. And when it's just the two of you, you can play for hours with no intervention from me. Boy is THAT nice! Our days are super busy with school and playdates - we are so very lucky to have so many friends here. They have really become our family over the past few years and I largely have you boys to thank for that.
This year for your birthday, Daddy took the day and we went to Six Flags - you love it there! You and Fin ride everything that isn't bound by height - you boys are fearless! Kell was able to enjoy a few rides this time too and I know in a blink he'll be running right beside you and Fin! We're celebrating this weekend with all of your friends. The Sorensen's are hosting a joint party for you and Briar (who will turn two this weekend) and it will be a fall extravaganza in their backyard. I know you'll have a blast.
That's all for now since everyone is waking from their naps and I have to get Fin to soccer. I can't wait till it's your turn on the field.
All My Love,
Mom
Monday, October 11, 2010
Saturday, October 09, 2010
A Mothers Work
An online friend of mine recently authored an eye-opening blog post about what it's like to be a mom who works outside the home. I guess it was especially interesting to me since I live on the other side of that white picket fence. In case you didn't know, I'm a proud Stay at Home Mom or (SAHM). It's such a hot button issue, I can't believe I've never written about it before.
In her post, she spoke about the fantasizing that goes on in either camp - what life would be like if you were to hop over that fence and feel that green grass growing under your own toes. And so I wonder. Especially on the bad days here when I'm at my breaking point and I just want to walk outside and scream at the top of my lungs. I wonder how that other half lives. I wonder if I would be happier over there, or if I'd just find myself wishing for the other life. I'm not delusional, I know that it's a challenge to miss those milestone moments in your childs' lives. I know it's heartbreaking when your children ask you not to leave them. And I know it must claw at your soul to watch another woman mother your children.
But in an office, you are a person. You have a job with an end, a product, a result. Something you can stand behind in the end and say "I did this". In an office, you sit and do your job, eat your lunch or get out for lunch, go to the bathroom by yourself and on a good day you might even hear that you did a good job. Sure you can make the same argument for children I guess, but that's really more of an end-of-life recognition where your boss says you did well. But in an office, you have an autonomy that you simply do not have at home. And that I do think that every working mother understands. Probably even appreciates.
There are other things too, like no one says to the working mother "Oh I know you stay home with the kids, so will you head XYZ Committee?" And yes, of course you can say no, but there is a tremendous amount of competition that goes on between SAHM. Everyone wants to be the room mother (or at least, everyone wants to SAY they are the room mother). Everyone wants to volunteer in their child's class. And yes, conferences and events at school can be tricky for the working mother who must arrange for time off. But when you have more than one child, they are still tricky as I must think of child-care. If the working mother had to beg off one of these events, she would find herself excused for her job. A SAHM? I'm sure there is a soap opera and bon bon joke in there somewhere...
And speaking of competition, the SAHM carries the full burden of child-rearing. No one expects the mother who works outside the home to be teaching her children their shapes, colors, letters, numbers, how to read...But the SAHM? We're responsible. If the child isn't potty trained by their second birthday? Judged. If their child can't name all of their colors at the same time as their peers? Judged. And if they fail to send their child to Kindergarten ready to read? Judged. What about your child's health? The SAHM mother best be sure that her children get plenty of exercise and also develop the most healthy of eating habits. Those habits are for life peoples!
She also touched on something that has been in the front of my mind lately too. As we look for a larger house to give our family a little more room, I am often reminded that we could have more income in a few years when I am able to return to work. Being a stay at home mother means working as hard as you can (often harder than you imagined was possible) for a few years in an effort to make your position obsolete. That is the end goal right? To raise kind, intelligent people who will be able to live without your constant care and attention. It kind of makes me have a new respect for models and athletes - having a job with that short of a shelf life blows.
So yes, when Kell goes to school in a few years I will be able to return to work. But I didn't really have time (ok, or motivation) to get any kind of career off of the ground before I had children. But what if I had? Even if I had finished some professional degree that offered me a field to return to, I'd still face a staggering lag in salary. Economists have said that giving up a career to be a SAHM can cost upwards of 1 million dollars over a lifetime. Ouch!
Would I change my decision to stay home with my kids? No. Not a chance. These days are few and precious. I know plenty of women who would be miserable with my day-to-day. Women who thrive in an office and would find this clean, dress, cook, clean, shlep life stifling and isolating. And certainly I don't think this SAHM gig is for everyone and I'm beyond supportive of my peers who shatter that glass ceiling and go into an office to make the world (or at least their home) a better place every day. But that just wouldn't be me. I've always been more sweats than pantyhose anyway ;)
In her post, she spoke about the fantasizing that goes on in either camp - what life would be like if you were to hop over that fence and feel that green grass growing under your own toes. And so I wonder. Especially on the bad days here when I'm at my breaking point and I just want to walk outside and scream at the top of my lungs. I wonder how that other half lives. I wonder if I would be happier over there, or if I'd just find myself wishing for the other life. I'm not delusional, I know that it's a challenge to miss those milestone moments in your childs' lives. I know it's heartbreaking when your children ask you not to leave them. And I know it must claw at your soul to watch another woman mother your children.
But in an office, you are a person. You have a job with an end, a product, a result. Something you can stand behind in the end and say "I did this". In an office, you sit and do your job, eat your lunch or get out for lunch, go to the bathroom by yourself and on a good day you might even hear that you did a good job. Sure you can make the same argument for children I guess, but that's really more of an end-of-life recognition where your boss says you did well. But in an office, you have an autonomy that you simply do not have at home. And that I do think that every working mother understands. Probably even appreciates.
There are other things too, like no one says to the working mother "Oh I know you stay home with the kids, so will you head XYZ Committee?" And yes, of course you can say no, but there is a tremendous amount of competition that goes on between SAHM. Everyone wants to be the room mother (or at least, everyone wants to SAY they are the room mother). Everyone wants to volunteer in their child's class. And yes, conferences and events at school can be tricky for the working mother who must arrange for time off. But when you have more than one child, they are still tricky as I must think of child-care. If the working mother had to beg off one of these events, she would find herself excused for her job. A SAHM? I'm sure there is a soap opera and bon bon joke in there somewhere...
And speaking of competition, the SAHM carries the full burden of child-rearing. No one expects the mother who works outside the home to be teaching her children their shapes, colors, letters, numbers, how to read...But the SAHM? We're responsible. If the child isn't potty trained by their second birthday? Judged. If their child can't name all of their colors at the same time as their peers? Judged. And if they fail to send their child to Kindergarten ready to read? Judged. What about your child's health? The SAHM mother best be sure that her children get plenty of exercise and also develop the most healthy of eating habits. Those habits are for life peoples!
She also touched on something that has been in the front of my mind lately too. As we look for a larger house to give our family a little more room, I am often reminded that we could have more income in a few years when I am able to return to work. Being a stay at home mother means working as hard as you can (often harder than you imagined was possible) for a few years in an effort to make your position obsolete. That is the end goal right? To raise kind, intelligent people who will be able to live without your constant care and attention. It kind of makes me have a new respect for models and athletes - having a job with that short of a shelf life blows.
So yes, when Kell goes to school in a few years I will be able to return to work. But I didn't really have time (ok, or motivation) to get any kind of career off of the ground before I had children. But what if I had? Even if I had finished some professional degree that offered me a field to return to, I'd still face a staggering lag in salary. Economists have said that giving up a career to be a SAHM can cost upwards of 1 million dollars over a lifetime. Ouch!
Would I change my decision to stay home with my kids? No. Not a chance. These days are few and precious. I know plenty of women who would be miserable with my day-to-day. Women who thrive in an office and would find this clean, dress, cook, clean, shlep life stifling and isolating. And certainly I don't think this SAHM gig is for everyone and I'm beyond supportive of my peers who shatter that glass ceiling and go into an office to make the world (or at least their home) a better place every day. But that just wouldn't be me. I've always been more sweats than pantyhose anyway ;)
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Life On The Sun
It's way too hot here in the Southland. WAY TOO HOT. My car said 118 yesterday. That's damn near 20 degrees over 100. I know, I'm a math whiz. But seriously, say it that way and it will drive home the point of how incredibly hot that is. I know, but it's a dry heat, right? Seriously, at 118 does it matter?! I kept the kids in undies most of the day and thought of just declaring it a nekked day, but I think Brooks would have had a heart attack. I feel like we're just living on the surface of the sun this week!
The boys are doing great in school. Fin has a new girlfriend, Sienna, who is adorable. He's been working more on his penmanship with me at home and is working hard at sounding out words and beginning to read in bits. Soccer is in full swing and he's really enjoying it this year (which makes one of us). Dash loves school too and is always disappointed to find that only Fin goes on Wednesdays. We're working hard on learning his shapes and colors. This week we're going to start on his letters too I hope. Kell is finally standing on his own and I expect him to start walking any minute now. His two bottom teeth have sprouted through and I know there are more on the way. He's starting to repeat tons of words and I feel like he's going to follow Fin in the lots-of-talking-less-walking pattern.
As for house news? There is none. We still own ours and our list of five we loved vanished in a three day period. So now we wait. We don't have a house we'd love to move into so we're just in a holding pattern. Brooks and I vacillate daily on what we want to do next - some days we just want to pull this house off the market and start making some of the improvements we'd like and other days we just feel like sardines in a can bursting at the seams! We've decided we'll take a long look at the situation this weekend.
That's about all I have for you today! Thrilling I know. I promise I'll find something more interesting to write when my brain isn't consumed with house stuff, and birthdays, and Halloween...
The boys are doing great in school. Fin has a new girlfriend, Sienna, who is adorable. He's been working more on his penmanship with me at home and is working hard at sounding out words and beginning to read in bits. Soccer is in full swing and he's really enjoying it this year (which makes one of us). Dash loves school too and is always disappointed to find that only Fin goes on Wednesdays. We're working hard on learning his shapes and colors. This week we're going to start on his letters too I hope. Kell is finally standing on his own and I expect him to start walking any minute now. His two bottom teeth have sprouted through and I know there are more on the way. He's starting to repeat tons of words and I feel like he's going to follow Fin in the lots-of-talking-less-walking pattern.
As for house news? There is none. We still own ours and our list of five we loved vanished in a three day period. So now we wait. We don't have a house we'd love to move into so we're just in a holding pattern. Brooks and I vacillate daily on what we want to do next - some days we just want to pull this house off the market and start making some of the improvements we'd like and other days we just feel like sardines in a can bursting at the seams! We've decided we'll take a long look at the situation this weekend.
That's about all I have for you today! Thrilling I know. I promise I'll find something more interesting to write when my brain isn't consumed with house stuff, and birthdays, and Halloween...
Monday, September 13, 2010
Haircuts and Mistakes
A few weeks ago I had the urge to get a fancy haircut. My head hadn't seen scissors in about five years, so I felt it was time. And with the house on the market and the possibility of a higher payment in a new home looming, I decided it was a good time to treat myself to a good one.
That was my first mistake.
So I went to a recommended salon and was able to get right in. Score! I told the chopping chick that I just wanted a trim. What about some long layers? WHY DO I FALL FOR THIS EVERY TIME??!? I HATE LAYERS?!? They would look so nice, it would make it lighter...blah blah blah...Ok.
That was my second mistake.
When your hair is down to your hiney, in WHOSE UNIVERSE IS CHIN LENGTH A LONG LAYER?!? THAT, my friends, is a VERY SHORT layer! And some mutant pieces are even shorter than that?! I thought I was going to cry. A first visit to Honest Monika confirmed my worst fears: I looked like I had short hair with long tracks clipped into the underside. For shame.
I spent the next three weeks trying to curl the underside more so it looked at least closer to even. Mostly I failed. And then my parents came to visit. Even my dad started to make fun of me. And when my mom was ragging on me in front of our Realtor and the REALTOR commented on how she thought it was fake hair this whole time?!? I knew something had to be done. But the weekend flew and I had no time to get to Supercuts.
(Sidenote: Supercuts will be getting all of my business from now on because you tell those bitches to cut a straight line and miraculously that's what they do! HOLLA!)
So this morning in the shower I considered shaving my head. But I didn't. I got out, opened my drawer and grabbed the first pair of scissors I could find.
(Another sidenote: curved cuticle scissors are NOT recommended for cutting hair.)
And I cut it. I cut my own hair. I cut damn near a foot off of my own hair. With curved cuticle scissors. Over the sink. Then I called my long-hair-loving husband in and asked him if the back was even. Then I watched him alternate between sadness and rage and finally agree to take a look at the back.
I'm hoping he'll get over it. Any hints for getting hair to grow faster?
That was my first mistake.
So I went to a recommended salon and was able to get right in. Score! I told the chopping chick that I just wanted a trim. What about some long layers? WHY DO I FALL FOR THIS EVERY TIME??!? I HATE LAYERS?!? They would look so nice, it would make it lighter...blah blah blah...Ok.
That was my second mistake.
When your hair is down to your hiney, in WHOSE UNIVERSE IS CHIN LENGTH A LONG LAYER?!? THAT, my friends, is a VERY SHORT layer! And some mutant pieces are even shorter than that?! I thought I was going to cry. A first visit to Honest Monika confirmed my worst fears: I looked like I had short hair with long tracks clipped into the underside. For shame.
I spent the next three weeks trying to curl the underside more so it looked at least closer to even. Mostly I failed. And then my parents came to visit. Even my dad started to make fun of me. And when my mom was ragging on me in front of our Realtor and the REALTOR commented on how she thought it was fake hair this whole time?!? I knew something had to be done. But the weekend flew and I had no time to get to Supercuts.
(Sidenote: Supercuts will be getting all of my business from now on because you tell those bitches to cut a straight line and miraculously that's what they do! HOLLA!)
So this morning in the shower I considered shaving my head. But I didn't. I got out, opened my drawer and grabbed the first pair of scissors I could find.
(Another sidenote: curved cuticle scissors are NOT recommended for cutting hair.)
And I cut it. I cut my own hair. I cut damn near a foot off of my own hair. With curved cuticle scissors. Over the sink. Then I called my long-hair-loving husband in and asked him if the back was even. Then I watched him alternate between sadness and rage and finally agree to take a look at the back.
I'm hoping he'll get over it. Any hints for getting hair to grow faster?
Friday, September 03, 2010
House News...
Otherwise known as, what's been keeping me busy AND more stressed out than ever:
Our house is on the market.
We found a larger home that we can all happily fit into just up the road a bit. But of course we have to sell this one before we buy that one.
So this means keeping this house immaculate, staging (meaning half the stuff I need I can't find, half the kids toys are in the garage etc.) and of course running out with little notice when someone wants to see the place. And we've had over 20 showings so far (a little over two weeks) and not a buyer yet. I'm so flippin' tired of vacuuming that I could hurl.
(And speaking of hurling, the stomach flu is going around. I can't think of anything more challenging than current conditions. Oh unless you add a stomach bug. And did I mention that my parents will be here next weekend?)
When I whined to my mother about the insanity of all this, her response was "Do you think you're the only woman who had to sell her house with three small children and a hardworking husband?" Probably not, but I'd sure like to talk to that other chick! St. Joseph is buried and we're still getting calls for showings so cross your fingers for us! I hope to have a longer post - and some good news! - soon!
Our house is on the market.
We found a larger home that we can all happily fit into just up the road a bit. But of course we have to sell this one before we buy that one.
So this means keeping this house immaculate, staging (meaning half the stuff I need I can't find, half the kids toys are in the garage etc.) and of course running out with little notice when someone wants to see the place. And we've had over 20 showings so far (a little over two weeks) and not a buyer yet. I'm so flippin' tired of vacuuming that I could hurl.
(And speaking of hurling, the stomach flu is going around. I can't think of anything more challenging than current conditions. Oh unless you add a stomach bug. And did I mention that my parents will be here next weekend?)
When I whined to my mother about the insanity of all this, her response was "Do you think you're the only woman who had to sell her house with three small children and a hardworking husband?" Probably not, but I'd sure like to talk to that other chick! St. Joseph is buried and we're still getting calls for showings so cross your fingers for us! I hope to have a longer post - and some good news! - soon!
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