Dear Dog Owners

I know you love your dog. I get it. And I know you may think of your dog as your child. But really? Your dog is NOT a child. And there are some places that your dog should not go. In fact, there are places I don't take my children. I don't take my baby to the movies. In fact, I don't take my kids to any movie that starts after 8pm or is wildly inappropriate. And I don't take my kids to nice restaurants for dinner, even though they are extremely well behaved. I respect people without children and the fact that there are times and places where the presence of children might be seen as slightly undesirable or disruptive. Here's where it comes back to you dog owners.

There are some places that it's just plain rude to tote your pooch.

First, and largest, I don't want to see your dog in a grocery store or a restaurant. Yes you people with your dog at Whole Foods yesterday, I'm talking to you. When I buy groceries, I do NOT want to fight your dog over the potatoes. I wouldn't let my own dog near my foodstuffs (you know, if I had one). It's just unsanitary. And if you want to dine outside of a family style restaurant, then I have no beef with you. But inside? Never. And I don't care how nice or well behaved your dog is. I don't care if they stay in your purse the whole time. It's gross.

Now let's talk about transportation. I understand that your animals need to get places. They do in fact have car seats for dogs. Get one. Or put them in a kennel in the back. Yes, man with the dog in his lap who almost killed me last month, I'm talking to you. If cell phones are enough of a distraction to be illegal, then what the hell makes you think having a moving animal struggling to get to the window across your lap is a good idea? When traveling larger distance, I understand the need to take your small dog on board an airplane. Now if your dog has to be smashed and bent into the carrier, he's too big to be on the plane. That means if you have to open the carrier for your animal to breathe as soon as you get on the plane, he should not be in the main cabin. Now if you bought him his own seat, go for it and unload him. Also, if your dog is a nervous flyer, drug him. If it's good enough to do to people and children, it's good enough for your dog. Everyone will thank you for it.

Now let's talk clothing stores. Frequently, when perusing any cloth-like items on ebay or similar sites, the seller will specify "item comes from pet and smoke-free home". There's a reason for that. I don't smoke and I don't want my clothes to smell like smoke. And no one would dream these days of lighting up inside ANYWHERE in CA. So tell me why it's even in the realm of acceptability to take your dog in a store? And yes, you dog owners who take your pets to The Grove and allow them to prance through Anthropologie or Nordstrom, I'm talking to you. I understand it's a pretty area to walk around with your dog. But if you decide to bring him with you, then you forfeit the right to go into the shops. And please, don't tie your dog to an object outside the store either. Especially if your dog is less than friendly.

Really I love dogs, I do, but this had to be said...