Monday, September 13, 2010

Haircuts and Mistakes

A few weeks ago I had the urge to get a fancy haircut. My head hadn't seen scissors in about five years, so I felt it was time. And with the house on the market and the possibility of a higher payment in a new home looming, I decided it was a good time to treat myself to a good one.

That was my first mistake.

So I went to a recommended salon and was able to get right in. Score! I told the chopping chick that I just wanted a trim. What about some long layers? WHY DO I FALL FOR THIS EVERY TIME??!? I HATE LAYERS?!? They would look so nice, it would make it lighter...blah blah blah...Ok.

That was my second mistake.

When your hair is down to your hiney, in WHOSE UNIVERSE IS CHIN LENGTH A LONG LAYER?!? THAT, my friends, is a VERY SHORT layer! And some mutant pieces are even shorter than that?! I thought I was going to cry. A first visit to Honest Monika confirmed my worst fears: I looked like I had short hair with long tracks clipped into the underside. For shame.

I spent the next three weeks trying to curl the underside more so it looked at least closer to even. Mostly I failed. And then my parents came to visit. Even my dad started to make fun of me. And when my mom was ragging on me in front of our Realtor and the REALTOR commented on how she thought it was fake hair this whole time?!? I knew something had to be done. But the weekend flew and I had no time to get to Supercuts.

(Sidenote: Supercuts will be getting all of my business from now on because you tell those bitches to cut a straight line and miraculously that's what they do! HOLLA!)

So this morning in the shower I considered shaving my head. But I didn't. I got out, opened my drawer and grabbed the first pair of scissors I could find.

(Another sidenote: curved cuticle scissors are NOT recommended for cutting hair.)

And I cut it. I cut my own hair. I cut damn near a foot off of my own hair. With curved cuticle scissors. Over the sink. Then I called my long-hair-loving husband in and asked him if the back was even. Then I watched him alternate between sadness and rage and finally agree to take a look at the back.

I'm hoping he'll get over it. Any hints for getting hair to grow faster?


Cara said...

Maggie, such a horror story of hair. And hair horrors make up the half of my life not taken up by thinking about eating.

Try viviscal and formula 50 supplements. If you want, I have lots of viviscal and I will put a box in the mail for you to try, just email me your address. It helps you grow hair faster and makes it stronger besides. Will also be good for your nails if you want. Otherwise, the lesson here is patience and to resist what the damn stylist wants to do, since after all, it's your hair.

And thank goodness, hair grows back.

Maggie said...

Viviscal. I will find it and buy it! Think Whole Foods might have it??

And yes, I will only now go places where they just do what you flippin pay them to do.

On a positive note, I'm actually digging it ;)

Cara said...

Walgreens should carry it I think. Otherwise you have to order it from their website: It says for thinning hair, which is true, but it really helps hair grow and be healthy and strong. I'm glad you are starting to like it after you fixed it up yourself.

Sometimes I really envy the straight or wavy-haired girls for the cool things you can try. But then I hear stories like yours about 'I really wish I hadn't gotten these bangs' or 'layers??? how long will this take to grow out' and I have my own (like the woman in Columbus who razored my hair and I had to get it fixed and cut 4" off it a month later.

At least with three boys, you'll never have to deal with the same kind of hair dramas you would with daughters.

The Mommarazzi said...

Yeah, I have no ideas for growing hair fast, other than those hair, skin, and nail supplement pills.

As I was reading, I kept thinking about all the times I have decided to take matters into my own hands...which later, Mark would try to fix. They were days I just lost it. Sick of it all, so what better to do than get craft scissors and chop my hair?

(Needless to say, it's been months since the last time. I've gained some self-control...and yes, I patted myself on my back.)