Monday, March 30, 2009

The Pregnant Lady Gets Busted

Ok, so I'm going to go ahead and start this by saying that I warned you. As a pregnant woman, I should have my drivers license suspended. Immediately. And then Brooks should get some kind of special leave to stay home with me all day so that he can take care of me and drive me around. I'm working on all that.

And I also need to remind you that I'm sometimes deaf. And that this past week, I seemed to be very deaf.

And finally, I have to say that I've NEVER been pulled over before. So if you're screaming that I'm an idiot who should have known what was up, know that much. Actually, I've only once even been IN a car that was pulled over. For "Brightin' Me". But that's a whole 'nother Oprah, right Emily?

So now, here is the whole story. And I'm sure it's one my kids will be telling and tormenting me with for years to come...

I spent the whole morning Friday cleaning house, washing sheets and packing for our Palm Springs weekend adventure. Also on my mind was the tax increase that will happen April 1 here in CA. On a hunch, I called the furniture store where We'd picked out Fin and Dash's new bed to see if they were running a special. Indeed they were! Since we were all packed and ready and Brooks was running late, I decided to head over there and order the beds so I could save some moolah.

(Wait, since Brooks was running late, can I blame him some too?)

We're in the car, headed over to the furniture store, driving down a nice straightaway, when I notice a cop behind me. And his lights are on. But they're not flashing. And I don't hear anything. What does that mean? I'm going the speed limit, so I carry on. A few seconds later I notice he's RIGHT UP ON ME, so I change lanes right. He follows. I'm now starting to be concerned that maybe he's after me. So I pull over one more right lane. He follows. Ok, I think he's definitely after me. I pull over into he next parking lot.

And that's when all hell breaks loose.

The next thing I know, he's pulled in fast, skidding and horizontally behind my car and is yelling over the intercom for me to get out of the car. I glance back at the kids - who clearly think this is awesome fun! - and get out of the car. HANDS ON THE HOOD NOW! I think I actually giggled because all I could think of was that someone with the same car must have done something BAD. And I mean please, a pregnant woman with two toddlers in the car is SUCH a threat?!?

Cop: "Ma'am, WHY DIDN'T YOU PULL OVER?!?!"

Ruh roh.

I'll spare you the rest of the conversation play-by-play as it was long, confusing and frequently interrupted by screams from the car (Mom, where are my sunglasses? Mom, I'm hungry? Mom, can we ride in the police car?). Apparently I was going a tad fast. As I learned on my drive home, the asshat officer was waiting right where the speed limit changes to nab people who miss it. But the bigger problem was that he had allegedly been following me, sirens blaring, yelling on the horn, for FIVE MINUTES. And he had asked me to pull over left. So all things considered, he had decided that I was "a runner". Sigh. A lengthy explanation of Minears disease and a google search from the cop car later, he told me he had to give me a speeding ticket since he had it on radar (which is totally a crapper because I was going the SAME DAMN SPEED as the person ahead of me and the one next to me, but I wasn't exactly in a position to argue).

So I am now the proud owner of my first speeding ticket.

Because I assumed that it was what you were SUPPOSED to do, I called my husband. He was simultaneously unamused and unsympathetic and intimated that the ticket could be the equivalent of our national debt. So I called my mom. I figured that if my generally kind husband took a tough love approach, maybe the universe was off and my tough love mother would be kind. Thankfully she was. And so I felt better. And when I reminded Brooks about his last traffic ticket and how I was not only nice but also did his helped him do online traffic school, he was nicer too. He just assumed that because I wasn't crying, I wasn't taking the situation seriously.

Which reminds me, why on possibly the only advantageous occasion, does the pregnant woman for once NOT cry. I mean, it was all I could do not to laugh out loud. Oops.

In the end, the boys got their bed for a great deal (I won't tell you how much I saved, but how does a grand sound?) and we had a fantastic weekend.

Since the ticket won't come close to the savings, I still won in the end, right?


Liz said...

hilarious....I can just see a pregnant woman with her hands on the hood of the car getting patted down.....thanks for the laugh! I know the patted down part was an embellishment but it's how it worked in my brain....☺ Glad you saved more money than the ticket...I say it worked out pretty well.

Cara said...

That's an amazing story you just recounted. I must briefly share my own. I have received more than my fair share...many in or around Louisville, KY. Anyway, got a ticket driving back to MI from TN in Kentucky. Paid it within a month, KY didn't record that I paid and briefly issued a warrant, then the statement of payment never reached TN, I tried to resolve in December, on March 21 I was informed my license was suspended. I now feel intimately how stupid bureaucrats in DMV/Depts of Safety are, so the moral is pay the ticket in person and make sure it's on your record as paid. And yeah, I can't believe you didn't cry in front of the mean copper.

John said...

Are you serious that the only other time you've ever been in a pull-over car was when I was driving? Really?

Maggie said...

No, was I with you when you got pulled over? I think the only time I was with someone who was pulled over was in college with Emily.